Action Items:
- Buy his new (Rooftop Comedy produced) album, “Everyone You Know is Going to Die…And Then You Are” on iTunes.

- Those in the San Francisco-esque area attend Moshe’s CD release party for the aforementioned album at the SF Punch Line on July 7th.

With that said, here are his picks.
Blackass
It’s like he says, everybody needs a blackass sometimes.

Jeanne Donaldson
Jeanne talks about what a lot of us…let’s face it, ALL of us, go through. The constant habitual harassment faced by the butt virgins of the world from the buttfucker community. Bill Hicks shot and missed when he tried to approach Jeanne’s level of comedic honesty and social commentary. Move over Hicks, there’s a new legend in town.

Chris Schiappacasse - You’re a whore
Sometimes, music breaks through barriers and allows the “inner cynic” to let down its guard and just laugh. That’s what “you’re a whore” is to me. And let’s face it, you ARE a whore.

Kerosene
Kerosene used to take me with him on the road to the various Improvisations and Playboy clubs around the country just like Shecky Berman used to do for him. If anyone has influenced my style directly, it’s Kerosene. Watch a master at work and try to learn something.

Moshe Kasher - A new haircut
Frankly, this guy just sucks.

Its just another Tuesday at Rooftop Comedy.  Each member of the production team sits staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering if time could possibly pass any slower.  Then, a tired and somewhat delirious Emily Heller decides to send out an email in Medieval speak.  Boredom is averted, bursts of laughter fill the room at increasingly close intervals, and the rest my friends, is email history.

Emily H wrote:

GREETINGS from your benevolent overlord!!! The following ASPEN
clips have been programmed into this week’s episodes and need
to be produced. Can we can divide and conquer before Thursday?
Or as they said in ancient times: Thor’s day?

ALL HAIL ME
Emily
P.S. i didn’t get very much sleep last night
_______________________________________

Alex wrote:

Nah.
______________________________________________

Andy wrote:

greetings benevolent editorial lordess,
i’ll do Hawkins through Cummins.

your loyal production slave,
Andy Andyson
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

greetings from the tribe on the adjacent isle of mordecai,
i shall bestow upon you the clips of ashley through kasher.
i shall require several sacks of grain and two sheep for my work.
may the wind always fill thy sails my friend.

-Chris son of Phil of Mordecai
________________________________________

Andy wrote:

wanna trade a grain for a wood?
___________________________________

Emily H wrote:

ANDY HAS A BONER!!!!!!!!!!

Emily
_____________________________________

Sorry Andy, I need ore. Anybody wanna trade for ore??

Take care.

-Chris
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

I only have wood. Lots of wood.
____________________________________

Emily S wrote:

Betwixt the offers of wool and grain i have found it reasonable to
offer a bit of ore which i hath mined from the veins of the meager
mines of Howardshire. Promise me this: upon bestowing you with the
ore, thou shalt not forge a weapon in carelessness. Young Christopher
son of Philip of Mordecai, make your kin revel in the
righteousness of your craft, for if you disobey me you will be sent to the
gallows. Amen.

-Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

The elders proclaim that the Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
receivith this name fore no man dare lie with her longer
than two weeks, or his loins
shall harden like a fresh sword cooling in river swept waters after
having been removed from the flaming forge. Consider thyselves
warned!
__________________________________________

Alex wrote:

And thou shall declare it from the steeples and the mountain tops, the spires and the highest forest branch:

“NERDS!”
_______________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

come one come all ye young lads
and forge thy burning sword betwixt mine legs
________________________________________

Alex wrote:

EMAIL IS AMAZING!!!!
______________________________________

Chris wrote:

fellow procreators beware!  many men have forged their burning swords between the fair damsels legs, which is why the fires burn so hot!  the curse of el clapo, king of spain, hath visited our lady many times.

Take care.

-Chris

——————————————-

Valerie wrote:

Tis the truth, I hath seen her with Lord Isaac from thy castle below.
Thy fires burn!

——————————————-
Andy wrote:

Is the Hoor of Howardshire prepared for the long march to the
battle of the Fords of Arkaig????
We cannot expect to overcome the Clan of Morar without those
steaming loins!!!!

summon her at once!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

BLAST YOU ALL!!!!!!

these sacred loins possess a power you shalt fail without… Speaketh kindly of mine loins or you will all
revel in the consequences of
your actions! Issac knows not of the forgery - but if he did the
netheregions of his manhood would surely shirvel away like an earthworm trapped atop a cobblestone on a blazing summer day!!!!!

ps fuck you val
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

witch! burn her!

Take care.

-Chris
_______________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Sims did it with Isaac, I got a daguerrotype of it and shit

Emily
_______________________________________

Andy wrote:

I didn’t get the attachment.
________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Attention peons once again! This is your queen and overlord! Think not that your blaspheming and debasement has fallen on deaf ears! I hereby announce with great joy the betrothal of the Hoor of Howardshire to Lord Isaac of the lower kingdoms. Dowry was paid in full (five gallons of ox blood). The ceremony will be officiated by Sir Whiskers of the Clan of ZipZap at sunrise!

Emily
________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

I would rather drink five gallons of ox blood than consummate relations with the vile fiend you refer to as “Isaac” from the kingdom downstream.  The wench of zip zap has informed me that his phallus is quite lacking and i am confident it will not withstand the heat emanating within a 5 foot radius from my body.  This is a mistake of cosmic proportions and i request that the overlord reconsider.
__________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

The overlord does not cater with reconsiderations!!! That is without some sort of compensatory bribes… that is, an iced decaf vanilla latte from peets each day this week!!!! Sir Whiskers will stand for no less and will summon his feline wilderfriends should you fail in this!!!

Emily

p.s. ISAAC GOT A BIG DICK! I GOT A BIG PUSSY! WHO GOT A BIG PUSSY?
__________________________________________

Valerie wrote:

Who shall take the place of Sir Isaac at the Fair Lady’s betrothal?
Perhaps Sir Jester dressed as a large feline from the kingdom of Zip Zap?
_________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

I believe you are referring to Sir Whiskers…

Emily
_______________________________________

Annie wrote:

You lest not forget Duke Bubbles.

The critically acclaimed series, A Tight 5ive, starring Punchline Magazine editor/dashing rogue Dylan Gadino shot some Tight 5ives in Aspen. And it is my pleasure to debut the first of what I’m sure to be a few episodes from Aspen. Two great tastes that taste great together. Now that’s what I call synergy ™.

So everybody, Ted Alexandro!

And yet another tip from your Uncle Lar.
By Jason Tanamor

“You know what makes good crowds? Funny Comedians. That’s a tip from your uncle Lar.”

Another tip from Uncle Lar is this. “Everyone should drink. Alcohol is taxed and the money goes to schools,” Reeb said. “So drink up. You’re not a drunk, you’re an education provider.”

Larry Reeb, better known across stages as Uncle Lar, dishes out tips and one-liners to audiences throughout the United States. “I was working at an amusement park in the day, while I did stand-up at night,” Reeb said. “Everyone working there was like 15, so they started calling me Uncle Lar. On stage, after a joke I threw in, ‘That’s a tip from your Uncle Lar,’ and it stuck.”

Having said this, Larry Reeb does have jokes with his advice. In fact, he mixes up each show with new material. “I just do my thing but if it’s an older crowd I will clean it up a little bit,” Reeb said. And if he doesn’t think the material is working, he has a unique way of parting with the less than spectacular jokes. “I try a new joke 4 or 5 times. I try wording it in different ways then if it still doesn’t work, I sell it to a new comedian.”

He’s kidding of course. Unless there are some takers.

Reeb, a nationally touring comedian for much of his life, has done everything from radio to television. “I haven’t had a day job since 1979. As long as I can make a living doing comedy. I’m a happy guy,” Reeb said.

And for being happy, Reeb doesn’t mind the traveling around part of being a road comic. “I like traveling and I like being alone. But please don’t tell my wife I said that,” Reeb said. Although the comedian is very direct and soft-spoken during an interview, Reeb’s sharp wit on stage is built to handle any crowd, including hecklers. During a certain performance, an intoxicated patron shouted, “talk about sex!” Reeb retorted, “your parents shouldn’t have had it.” Of course, he followed this with his trademark saying, “that’s another tip from your Uncle Lar.”

But that isn’t the performance that stands out to Reeb. At a club in Nashville, Reeb was working with another comedian, Ron Douglas. “After the show, Ron went out and drank a lot of vodka,” Reeb said. “He was an alcoholic and the next day, he was found dead. The next week’s comedian called and I told him that Douglas died. Reeb asked, ‘But how did you do?’”

Reeb began his career in Chicago, where he still lives today, at the Comedy Womb, slogan, “Where Comedians Are Born.” “It’s not there anymore,” Reeb said. He did odd jobs while working the clubs at night until in 1979, he managed to do stand-up comedy full time. “I never went to college, if I weren’t doing comedy I’d probably be driving a cab or flipping burgers,” Reeb said. “Any day I don’t have a day job, I’m happy.”

And he’s been happy for a long time. Not bad for a man who decided to become a comedian when he was in high-school. “When I was 15, I was in a speech class in high-school. We could do the speech on anything so I wrote a humorous one and it got laughs,” Reeb said. “The material gets harder as you get older, but you have to sit down and do it. You either know how to do it or don’t.”

Reeb is a regular on the nationally syndicated radio program, “The Bob & Tom Show” and has appeared on HBO, SHOWTIME, VH1, and MTV. His live comedy CD, “It’s a Sick World and I’m a Happy Guy,” is available after his show.

Jason Tanamor is the Editor of Zoiks! Online. He is also the author of the novels, “Hello Lesbian!” and “Anonymous.”

Thanks to Chris Garcia for the tip!

“Yes there is. Next thing you’re gonna say is there’s no ‘Z’ in ‘penis.’”

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

With Devitt’s and Rucker’s place in history secured, why not check out some of their Guest Editor picks below? It’s your civic duty, after all.

Cedric Devitt’s Picks
Christian Finnegan - My smelly movie moment
Chris deserves a shout out here. Mostly because he was the MC at the very first US Air Guitar Championships show in New York at the Pussy Cat lounge in 2003. And also because I think we still owe him fifty bucks for doing it.

Finesse Mitchell - Kids’ names are getting worse
Yes, it’s true that children’s names have become ridiculous. But not in a bad way.
I for one, intend to name my three children after a car….Daewoo, KIA and Mercedes.

Haji Outlaw - Dressed to fall
When you think about it, there’s so many things you can be too good looking for, right.
But not gravity. funny.

Kriston Rucker’s Picks
Alex Koll - 1999
I liked this clip because I’ve always enjoyed scrutinizing the lyrics of popular music, in search of logical inconsistencies or inexplicable nonsense. This particular inconsistency had inexplicably eluded me.

Green and Gray - Trainee mugger
I liked this clip because I’ve considered in the past…well, not so much being a mugger as being a somewhat more generalized robber, or perhaps burglar. I had no idea how to prepare though, and in the end stayed a more lawful course.

Tig Notaro - No moleste
I liked this clip because the real joke is actually about someone who didn’t understand the joke in the first place. This is just the kind of subtle self-consciousness we try to promulgate via instrument-less music competitions.