Two months ago, on September 19th, 2009, I met a kind and insane fellow named Josh. Josh lives in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, and swore to me with great vehemence that within six months, Obama would step down from the presidency in shame because it would be proven without a doubt he was Kenyan, not American.

Thing is, though Josh still has four months of crossed fingers to look forward to, I don’t see his prediction coming true. In fact, as far as I can tell, “Birthers” are so far removed from the public eye it’s laughable. I cannot even remember the last time I heard the subject mentioned; it probably was actually September 19th.

Part of the loss in interest is the media’s fault, as they react to stories like a puppy with ADD, but most of it is our fault. We the people allow ourselves to be “informed” by a system of journalism any five-year-old could tell you is based upon sensationalism and fear.

This can be a good thing, such as in the case of the loss of interest in birthers, but more often than not it is damaging to the whole, given the fact birthers got any attention in the first place. No matter how ludicrous any story might seem—America is becoming a socialist nation under Obama! There’s a boy up in that balloon there!!—it makes headlines.

Our cyclical addiction to the untrue is a monster that feeds upon itself. The media reports a story that is either outright bullshit but scary enough to be interesting, the public laps it up and increases the ratings and sales for the media, so the media turns around and finds the NEXT BIG THING the public will go glossy-eyed over. Meanwhile, both sides claim innocence in their position. The media proclaims, “We’re only showing what the viewers want to see,” and the public haphazardly offers, “We’re only watching what they show.” Neither side challenges the other to greatness, and we end up in a country that was duped into a war with Iraq, and possibly out of health care coverage for all.

If such a situation were in a movie, as viewers we’d find the events tragically comic. As we are living in the middle of it all, the whole “forest for the trees” aspect of everything leaves us blinded.

Sad, but that’s life.

I hope Josh isn’t holding his breath, hoping his prediction will come true.
Then again, if he turned blue, passed out and hit his head while falling, maybe there’d be one less ignorant voter come 2010.

And wouldn’t that be nice?

Comedian Nathan Timmel rules the Internet from www.nathantimmel.com

[Want to see Stephen live? Who can blame you? Click here for upcoming tour dates in the U.S. and the U.K.]

ROOFTOP: You’re in the middle of what seems like an exhausting  tour. When you’re touring, how do you keep your on-stage energy up and keep your material feeling fresh? Not only for yourself, but for the sake of the audience?

STEPHEN LYNCH: It’s easy for me because I have the overwhelming fear every night that the audience is going to hate me and everything I do. I literally want to puke before I start. Sometimes I have. This nervousness gives me energy and makes me try harder. You know how they say an unattractive girl will be better in bed because she has to make up for her unattractiveness? I am the unattractive girl of comedy. Plus, these people pay a shitload of money to see my show, so I’d better make it worth it.

ROOFTOP: Do you ever worry that, when touring in other countries, your material won’t translate, cross-culturally? How do you address that potential problem?

LYNCH: I had that fear the first time I played in Scandinavia, but quickly realized that they speak fluent English there. Even more better than we do! Everywhere I’ve gone, actually, language has not been an issue. I just skip the places where it would be. That is why I will never tour Japan, Brazil, or Alabama. As for cultural references, the rest of the world has become so Americanized that almost nothing gets by them. That’s good for me, because it means I don’t have to change any part of my show, which I am far too lazy to do anyway

ROOFTOP: Is there generally a rule to your songwriting? In other words, do you tend to start with a joke or a funny idea and try to write a song around it,or start with a melody and then incorporate funny lyrics?

LYNCH: I do both. It’s hard to sustain a funny thought or premise for three or four minutes, so the challenge becomes weaving that thought into a little story, something with a beginning, middle and end. And keeping ahead of the audience is challenging too. As for music, my head is full of ideas; chord progressions, melodies, harmonies. It’s pairing those with an appropriate lyric that is so difficult. For me anyway. Lionel Ritchie makes it look so easy. Son of a bitch.

ROOFTOP: What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you onstage?

LYNCH: I played a comedy club outside of Chicago once that booked a group from a retirement home to come see me. That was the whole audience. About 50 octogenarians, not laughing. At one point I said “This ain’t no Perry Como show” and got a huge laugh from my brother, who was there to “support me.” He loved that I bombed that night. Very embarrassing. That’s why I never played comedy clubs.

ROOFTOP: Are there any particular things (clothes, mementos, snacks, etc) that you absolutely must take with you on tour?

LYNCH: I have my lucky jeans. Also, three or four t-shirts I can’t live without. My ipod. A book. You know, things to occupy me on long flights. I need to have five guitar picks in my back right pocket for every show. We do a ceremonial shot of Jack Daniels or Jameson whiskey before we start a show too. What else… oh the most important thing of all: earplugs. I can’t sleep without them. Especially when I can hear random hotel noises like the elevator, the ice machine, or the extra-loud prostitute I have in my room.

ROOFTOP: 3 Balloons was your first studio album. ­ What does it feel like to play, live, songs that you recorded without an audience? Are you touring with a full band?

LYNCH: I had been playing most of the songs on 3 Balloons live without a band before I recorded the album, so I’m used to it. I did do a live band show at Carnegie Hall in October though, which I will admit is much more fun than being onstage by my lonesome. I hope to incorporate the band into more live shows. And I plan to record my next album live, but with a band. Sort of best of both worlds kind of thing. Did I mention I played Carnegie Hall?

Perhaps the best part about WitStream is that the users (including Matt Braunger, Rob Delaney, Myq Kaplan, and Laurie Kilmartin) engage in conversation with each other in a way that’s easy for an audience to follow. No “@” symbols and re-tweets here; comedians ruffle each others’ feathers in real time, and you get to watch.

The site officially launches today, November 2, and is celebrating with an A-list show TONIGHT at Comix, featuring Michael Showalter, Baron Vaughn, Pete Holmes, Doug Benson, Josh Fadem, Morgan Murphy, and, of course, MIB himself.

Rooftop managed to tear our eyes away from WitStream activity long enough to catch up with Queen Bee Lisa Cohen.

ROOFTOP: Who came up with WitStream?

LISA COHEN: Yours truly! I was on jury duty in January and I was playing with my phone out of boredom. I was on Facebook, and I realized that usually there’s nothing to read. Nothing good on people’s updates. Just crap.

I had Facebook friends who were comedians who didn’t have fan pages, or they had a 5000-person fan limit on their page. Some of them, you couldn’t even friend them because they had hit their limit. I thought it would be really great if I could get rid of the other stuff and just follow these funny guys and be entertained. If you like a comedian, it’s usually because you like their personality, not just their jokes. That immediate connection to a performer is a really unique thing to stand-up comedy.

ROOFTOP: How did you connect with Michael Ian Black for this project?

COHEN: We knew a couple of people in common, and Michael is obviously one of the better Twitter users out there. He’s always on the list of who to follow when you’re on Twitter. He’s a great writer, and saw WitStream as having potential to turn tweeting into a real art form.

ROOFTOP: What makes WitStream different from, say, a Twitter aggregator?

COHEN: There’s a whole language to Twitter, and it makes it very difficult to read. I want to get rid of all those codes, the hash marks, the abbreviations, to make it really accessible and make it easy for people to read and follow the conversation.

Twitter is really a double-edged sword for me. It’s a great way to get the word out about my own projects, but at the same time, there’s this assumption that it is the main platform for this type of writing, and it’s become so big that it’s turning into a marketing tool. And the people who are actually using it creatively don’t belong in this gigantic sea of people who are using it for cooking and medicine. Every brand out there is now tweeting. Twitter is going to become more and more commercial. If you think about the TV model, you watch a half hour of television and 22 minutes of it is actual content. Twitter is become less and less about content and more and more about marketing, and I think the content needs to be in its own space.

There are Twitter aggregators out there and it doesn’t take a lot of knowledge to compile a list like that, but that’s where I think me and Michael can take it a step further, and make WitStream like our own show that we’re producing. Because, on the aggregators, the users aren’t conversing with each other.

ROOFTOP: Are you hoping to create a conversation between the comedians and users, or will the comment function be strictly for participating comedians, and users will observe their banter?

COHEN: Right now, the subscribers are just observing, but, as I’m learning, the site is a very living, breathing organism that will grow based on what our users need. For sure, there are a lot of huge fans out there who would love to connect with the WitStream comedians. And the contributors will really benefit a lot from giving users a bit of access. The thing that these comedians really  love about Twitter is the ability to connect with people.

We’re thinking about giving subscribers their own feed, and the ability to customize and sort their own lists, or comment on comedians’ posts without adding to the feed. There’s a benefit to be able to create this private workout room for comedians that the rest of us can eavesdrop on.

After all, these are the guys who are constantly jawing, and watching them try to outdo each other is a show in and of itself.

ROOFTOP: Does WitStream collect ALL tweets from each participating comedian, or do you pick and choose what’s funniest? Are the participants logging into WitStream separately from Twitter to tweet there?

COHEN: The people who are on Twitter have a choice, wherein we can pull their tweets simultaneously, or they can post on WitStream and we’ll put it back on Twitter for them. We want to make it easy on people. We don’t want them to change their lives. Our hope is that they’ll decide that WitStream is a more fruitful experience for them than Twitter, but for now, we can make sure their stuff lives on both places.

Ultimately, we can exist without Twitter, but I don’t need to take Twitter down.

ROOFTOP: Yet?

COHEN: Yet.

By Comedian Sean Keane

New Orleans and New England ran up the score in huge victories, and the Eagles and Jaguars ran up their fans’ blood pressure in an exciting weekend of NFL action. The Jets ran for a ton of yardage in a loss, the Titans ran into a snowstorm and an offensive buzzsaw in New England, and the Redskins are trying to run their head coach out of town.  In addition, field goals were made and missed seemingly at
ran-dom, and a fourth-down stop by Cleveland against Pittsburgh was overruled by a referee’s decision worthy of election officials in I-ran.

Houston 28, Cincinnati 17

Matt Schaub is leading the NFL in touchdown passes. That’s kind of
like realizing that the Black Eyed Peas are the top-selling musical
act in America – it’s surprising, somewhat unsettling, and makes you
wonder if we have gotten retarded in here as a nation.  In other black
eye news, two crucial Bengals players went down with injuries.  This
is disheartening for Cincinnati’s playoff chances, but it does raise
the wonderful possibility, however remote, of Chad Ochocinco stepping
in to play defensive end.

Green Bay 26, Detroit 0

The Packers were the most discouraged 26-0 winners you’ll ever see
after this game.  Postgame comments involved offensive line injuries,
the massive sack totals, and how Green Bay settled for field goals,
not touchdowns, throughout the game.  Meanwhile, the Lions lost their
19th consecutive game in the state of Wisconsin.  That’s not 19
straight IN Green Bay; the Lions haven’t won a road game against Green
Bay since before the Packers stopped playing two games a year in
Milwaukee, back in 1994.

Minnesota 33, Baltimore 31

Another close loss and another goat for Baltimore.  Last week it was
Ray Lewis and a drive-sustaining cheap shot, this week it was kicker
Steve Hauschka missing a game-winning chip shot.  OK, it was a
pressure-filled 44-yarder, but I couldn’t resist the poetic symmetry
there.  The Ravens still look like one of the best teams in the
league, but at 3-3, they probably aren’t even making the playoffs.
There’s seven loseable games left on the schedule, and they
realistically have to win five of them.  Meanwhile, Brett Favre faces
only three more cold-weather games this year, and only one after
November 1, which should mean no heart-breaking multi-interception
games until after Christmas.

Jacksonville 23, St. Louis 20 (OT)

A three-point overtime win at home against St. Louis is only slightly
more respectable than a 41-0 road loss to the Seahawks, and if the
Jags had blown it, I think Jack Del Rio might have been fired before
he reached the locker room.  As it stands, Jacksonville gets a bye,
then faces six winnable games in a row.  They’re right on track to
sneak into the last wild-card spot, and then lose to New England by 35
points in the first round.  As for the Rams, they made a bold move in
the race for the #1 pick in the draft by trading a starting linebacker
for  fifth- and sixth-round picks.  Your move, Tampa Bay!

New Orleans 48, New York Giants 27

Eli Manning played his first game in the Superdome, where his father
played most of his career.  Manning honored his father’s legacy of
constant losing in New Orleans by throwing an interception and losing
a fumble, helping to ensure the Giants’ defeat.  It looks like Peyton
Manning will be Drew Brees’s competition for the MVP award, and since
the Saints don’t play the Colts this year, Brees had to beat up on Eli
in Peyton’s stead.  This sets up a Super Bowl matchup where Brees can
lead a touchdown drive while cackling like Judge Doom in ‘Who Framed
Roger Rabbit’ – “Peyton, when I killed your brother’s chances at
home-field advantage, I passed Just. Like. This!”

Pittsburgh 27, Cleveland 14

The Steelers again couldn’t be bothered to properly put away an
opponent, but it didn’t matter since said opponent was the Cleveland
Browns.  QB Derek Anderson completed 9 of 24 passes and it was a huge
improvement, like when your toddler only pees his pants instead of
crapping in them.  After the game, he spoke for Cleveland players,
fans, and poor comedians who have to write about this horrible team
every week when he said, “We put tons of hours in and … it’s
frustrating. Every single week, it’s frustrating.”

Carolina 28, Tampa Bay 21

Carolina has squeaked by the Redskins and Buccaneers in consecutive weeks, asserting their claim to being the Best of the NFL’s Worst. They stand among other horrible teams, but they stand very slightly,almost imperceptively above them. Related unimpressive titles:

- Cleanest Hipster
- Kansas City Royals Team MVP
- Chairman of the Republican National Committee.
- Lead Guitarist of Creed
- Red Ribbon Winner In That Beer Competition Where Pabst Won The Blue Ribbon

Kansas City 14, Washington 6

Before this game, Washington cornerback DeAngelo Hall said, “You’re
facing teams that ain’t won a game. We gave Detroit their first win.
We gave Carolina their first win. We can’t give Kansas City their
first win.”  This was when I knew that Washington was going to lose.
Meanwhile, Coach Jim Zorn managed to escape firing for another week,
though he lost his play-calling responsibilities.  Since he can’t get
Mike Shanahan to take over, Redskins owner Daniel Snyder is choosing
to humiliate his current coach, rather than replace him.  By Week 10,
Zorn will have no offensive, defensive, special-teams, or clock
management responsibilities, but will still be forced to roam the
sidelines wearing a woman’s dress, a pig snout, and a dunce cap.

Oakland 13, Philadelphia 9

Bad performance by Philadelphia, but they were playing three time
zones away from home, and their left tackle was injured in the first
quarter.  Surely, this was a defensible loss?  No. No it was not. They
were playing the OAKLAND RAIDERS, a team that was down 24 points at
halftime last week, a team that is quarterbacked by JAMARCUS RUSSELL,
who was completing 42% of his passes going into Sunday’s game, a team
whose head coach is facing a felony assault prosecution.  Actually,
maybe that was the key – Andy Reid felt sympathetic to Tom Cable’s
legal woes because of his own kids, and that’s why he refused to call
any running plays.

Donovan McNabb and Reid continued their tradition of clock
mismanagement, with McNabb attempting to call a non-existent timeout
in the second quarter, and Reid inexplicably calling timeout two
seconds ahead of the two-minute warning in the fourth quarter.

Arizona 27, Seattle 3

This clash of NFC West “powers” was out of reach so early that Matt
Leinart got to play, completing both his passes and running for a
yard.  In a related story, Arizona’s center has contracted herpes from
having Leinart’s hands close to his groin.

New England 59, Tennessee 0

After a former assistant coach beat the Pats last week in Denver, Tom
Brady and Bill Belichick clearly had something to prove, and took it
out on the poor Titans.  Tennessee has a bye week, and Jeff Fisher
will likely spend it on suicide watch, being kept far away from sharp
objects, ropes, and safety Chris Hope.  How did other teams spend
their bye weeks in Week 6?

Indianapolis: Coach Jim Caldwell and owner Robert Irsay bet a dollar
that they could sign a vagrant, chosen at random, and by Week 7, have
him catch two TD passes from Peyton Manning. (This is also how Pierre
Garcon joined the team last year.)  It is unclear whether Irsay and
Caldwell will also attempt to turn Reggie Wayne into a homeless man.

Miami: Ricky Williams used medicinal marijuana and his holistic
medicine training to tame an actual wildcat, which will take a few
snaps at QB next week for the Dolphins.

49ers: Linebacker Patrick Willis held Michael Crabtree down while the
team ran by and hit him with bar of soap stuffed inside tube socks, as
punishment for his extended holdout.  Crabtree is expected to either
be in the starting lineup next week, or in the bathroom, cleaning a
rifle and babbling incoherently.

Dallas: Coach Wade Phillips sat in his office weeping, naked, with the
lights out, for the full seven days.

Buffalo 16, New York Jets 13 (OT)

The Mark Sanchez honeymoon era is officially over in East Rutherford,
and New York wins the award for Most Shameful Loss of the Week,
narrowly edging out Philadelphia and Tennessee.  Perhaps Rex Ryan is
too accustomed to working as a defensive coordinator, and doesn’t
realize he has the power to do things like call timeouts, or take out
his quarterback after he throws his fourth interception.  That’s how
you lose while rushing for over 300 yards and playing the godawful
Buffalo Bills.  Ryan should make Sanchez practice throwing the ball in
windy conditions, but it’s unclear if he realizes he has the authority
to do so.

Atlanta 21, Chicago 14

Matt Forte wins the Earnest Byner Award this week for Incompetence in
Goal-Line Running. In the third quarter, Forte lost the ball on
first-and-goal from the 1, recovered his own fumble, and then fumbled
again on the very next play.  Matt Forte, there’s an old saying in
Chicago – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Chicago – that says,
Fumble once, shame on – shame on you. Fumble twice – you can’t get
fooled again!

Denver 34, San Diego 23

The San Diego Chargers are the Notre Dame of the NFL.  They’re always
overhyped.  Their team is ostensibly stocked with talent, but they
never win anything important. Both the Chargers and the Irish are
coached by so-called offensive geniuses who get shut down when they
play against anyone good.  Notre Dame plays in a bowl game every year,
thanks to their cream puff schedule of Stanford, Purdue, and the
service academies.  San Diego makes the playoffs every year thanks to
two games each against the Raiders and Chiefs.  Considering how
mediocre they are, both teams are on NBC way too much.  San Diego
needs to either fire Norv Turner, or accept their role as NFL Notre
Dame and trade for Brady Quinn.

Sean Keane is a stand up comedian, writer, and sports fan based in San Francisco, Ca. He has written for ESPN the magazine, Mc Sweeney’s, and the ever popular NBA tumblr.

My parents were fairly strict about monitoring my TV and movie watching habits growing up, so I was never exposed to, say, Richard Pryor or George Carlin. (Except, of course, when Carlin appeared as The Conductor on “Shining Times Station.” Choo chooooo.) But Dad was a huge Mel Brooks fan, and the jokes encompassed enough innuendo that, as kids, we didn’t get it when Young Frankenstein’s Inga vanted to take a roll in ze hay, or when Blazing Saddles’ Lili Von Shtupp crooned that men were always coming and going and going and coming…too soon. We just thought that Frau Blucher was silly, that Sherrif Bart was goofy. We just liked to laugh.

Then, when I discovered Gilda Radner…I was hooked. I’d found my idol. Most girls my age were into (and I’m dating myself here) Debbie Gibson and Tiffany and the New Kids on the Block. I loved Gilda. Loved Steve Martin. Loved loved loved Gene Wilder.

What about you?

By Comedian Sean Keane

It was a banner day for Sean-variant names in the NFL this week. LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson each scored touchdowns for Philadelphia.  Shawntae Spencer intercepted a pass for the 49ers. Knowshon Moreno rushed for 90 yards and a touchdown for the Broncos. And Marshawn Lynch was still suspended, so he didn’t have to watch the Bills get trounced by New Orleans.  Without further digress-sean, let’s get recapping a sensaseanal week in the NFL.

Detroit Lions 19, Washington Redskins 14

Once again, the nation’s capital delivers a bailout to Detroit as the Redskins give the Lions their first win in 21 months. As a result, the Tigers will try to restore the city’s misery by choking away the AL Central title this week.  Coach Zorn of the Redskins earned himself a reverse Gatorade shower with the loss, which is when the team owner offers you a delicious Gatorade, punches you in the throat whileyou’re drinking it, and then hands you a pink slip..

Green Bay Packers 36, St. Louis Rams 17

As bad as their alma mater looked while getting curb-stomped 42-3 by Oregon, former Cal QB’s Aaron Rodgers and Kyle Boller both looked good on Sunday.  Of course, almost anyone looks good compared to Marc Bulger.  It’s nice that the NFL paid tribute to Sunday’s Folsom Street Fair by scheduling a match up of the two teams whose nicknames sound most like gay sex acts.

Minnesota Vikings 27, San Francisco 49ers 24

With 15 seconds to go in the game, I was making fun of Brett Favre for throwing a pass while across the line of scrimmage. Then, you know, he threw the most miraculous touchdown pass of the season.  Maybe I should retire- from joke-making!

Niner fans called the loss “heartbreaking,” but they’re wrong.  Real heartbreak is getting dumped via instant message, while you’re at work, talking to clients who are calling you collect from prison, and since your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend has no fingers on her right hand, it’s taking her forever to type out the breakup, plus she’s using emoticons.  Not that that’s, um, happened to me.

New England Patriots 26, Atlanta Falcons 10

At one point, the Patriots went for it on fourth down from their own 26.  Because Bill Belichick has huge balls and he doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks.  He wears a grey hooded sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off every week, he bangs married women, and he converts fourth downs deep in his own territory.  Meanwhile, former Boston College star Matt Ryan returned to his old town, and was called “fag” roughly seven hundred times.

New York Jets 24, Tennessee Titans 17

Every year, there’s a former #1 seed that completely misses the playoffs the next season.  Dallas and New England last year, Chicago in 2007,  Eagles in 2005.  Why is this?  Is this a salary cap issue? Laws of competitive balance?  Nope. Gypsy curse.

Philadelphia Eagles 34, Kansas City Chiefs 14

Amid protests, Michael Vick made his return to the NFL.  A PETA spokesman said that it was cruel and unfair to pit the helpless Kansas City players against far superior NFL squads for the “amusement” and monetary gain of spectators and gamblers.  Chiefs coach Todd Haley could not be reached for comment, as he was holding QB Matt Cassel’s head underwater in a five-gallon bucket.

New York Giants 24, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0

Byron Leftwich threw 16 passes for 22 yards and an interception.  Those aren’t just bad numbers, they’re throwing-the-game-because-my-girlfriend-was-kidnapped-by-gamblers numbers.  The Giants didn’t record a single sack, because when the opposing quarterback is playing like that, the last thing you want to do is knock him out of the game.

Baltimore Raves 34, Cleveland Browns 3

Cleveland has been outscored by an average of 22 points this year. Now the coach says that he’s opening up the quarterback battle between Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn.  Derek and Brady sound like two guys
who should be battling for the assistant manager position at Abercrombie & Fitch.  Though right now, that would be a more prestigious job than Cleveland Browns QB.

Jacksonville Jaguars 31, Houston Texans 24

Earnest Byner.  Karl Malone.  Lance Armstrong.  And now Houston RB Chris Brown joins the fraternity of men who have lost balls at a crucial moment.  He fumbled at the goal line on his way to a game-tying touchdown, two plays after another game-tying touchdown was nullified by a penalty.  We can only conclude that Jesus hates the Houston Texans.

Chicago Bears 25, Seattle Seahawks 19

Seattle wore the ugliest NFL uniforms of all time in an attempt to distract the Bears from noticing that they were starting Seneca Wallace at quarterback.  It worked for almost two quarters, but then the Bears wised up and Jay Cutler’s hangover wore off, and it was all over.

New Orleans Saints 27, Buffalo Bills 7

The Saints have now thoroughly beaten down the two other most downtrodden NFL cities, Buffalo and Detroit.  It’s a shame they won’t get to face Cleveland to complete a New Great Depression sweep.  Laker fans take note: Reggie Bush was once the #2 pick in the draft.  Then he started dating a Kardashian, and he hasn’t rushed for 100 yards in a game since. Beware, Lamar!

Cincinnati Bengals 23, Pittsburgh Steelers 20

Showing a great deal of mental toughness, the resurgent Bengals came from behind to shock the Steelers.  ”Tough” hasn’t been a word associated with Cincinnati’s football team in recent years, unless it’s preceding the words “DUI lawyer”.  Meanwhile, Mikes Tomlin and Singletary both spent most of the game running the ball straight up the middle for 1-2 yards on first down.  ”Fast Willie” Parker may be the most inaccurate nickname in the NFL.

San Diego Chargers 23, Miami Dolphins 13

Chad Pennington left the game with a shoulder injury and may be out for the season.  I suspect he has already written off the Dolphins season, and is focusing on picking up an unprecedented third Comeback Player of the Year Award.  Look out, Garrison Hearst!  Meanwhile, the Wildcat Offense continues to be effective for Miami, at least compared to their alternative, the Not Very Good At Football Offense.

Denver Broncos 23, Oakland Raiders 3

Denver is 3-0, with victories over Cincinnati, Cleveland, and Oakland. But don’t get overconfident, Bronco fans.  Germany was 3-0 with victories over Poland, Norway, and France at the beginning of World War II, and we all know how that turned out.  Am I comparing Josh McDaniels to Hitler?  Maybe.

Indianapolis Colts 31, Arizona Cardinals 10

Peyton Manning does well with wide receivers who have two first names, perhaps .  Reggie Wayne (two first names) caught a TD pass, as did Dallas Clark (two movie star first names).  Over the years, Marvin Harrison (two 19th-century first names) had success, as did Edgerrin James (one made-up name, one first name).  For Arizona, Anquan Boldin scored to become the all-time touchdown leader among players named Anquan, surpassing former Broncos wideout Anquan “Ed” McCaffrey.

Dallas Cowboys 21, Carolina Panthers 7

Positives for Carolina: Thanks to all the turnovers, Steve Smith is getting really good at tackling. Negatives for Dallas: Fair-weather fans booed the team at halftime. At his postgame press conference, Tony Romo wore a plaid hoodie that he presumably bought at Miller’s Outpost in 1994 (because I wore an identical one in tenth grade). Maybe it’s his destiny to play for Belichick some day – shopping for sweatshirts, cruising for chicks, and losing to the New York Giants at the last minute.

Sean Keane is a stand up comedian, writer, and sports fan based in San Francisco, Ca. He has written for ESPN the magazine, Mc Sweeney’s, and the ever popular NBA tumblr.

NY Jets 16, New England Patriots 9

It was a good day for people who hate asshole fans from Boston, but a bad day for people who hate douchebag fans from New York. Tom Brady is now 1-2 in his last three full games.  After a disastrous game, he’ll have to console himself by fucking his supermodel wife or
napping on a mattress stuffed with hundred dollar bills.

New Orleans Saints 48, Philadelphia Eagles 22

If you want to keep Philadelphia fans from booing Donovan McNabb,
the solution is to let them watch Kevin Kolb play once a year.  Andy
Reid hasn’t seen a beating like this since he visited his sons in
jail.  Meanwhile, Drew Brees has been the anti-Kolb all year, throwing
nine touchdown passes in two weeks.  Have opposing cornerbacks been
making fun of his birthmark?

San Francisco 49ers 23, Seattle Seahawks 10

Frank Gore’s two long TD runs and the team’s 2-0 start has 49er fans
thinking about the semi-glory years of Garcia-to-Hearst, and dreaming
about losing in the first round of the playoffs.

Arizona Cardinals 31, Jacksonville Jaguars 17

Jacksonville’s leading rusher was Maurice Jones-Drew, and their
leading receiver was Mike Sims-Walker.  This tells me that the team
needs to recruit some playmakers who were raised by both parents.  The
Jags were so bad in the first half that Jacksonville native Fred Durst
called it, “the worst performance I’ve ever seen – and we toured with
Staind.”

Houston Texas 34, Tennessee Titans 31

This game might as well have been played on Madden: Tennessee had
touchdowns of 57, 69, and 91 yards, while Houston had 72- and 29-yard
touchdown passes within a minute of each other.  The game ended when
Kerry Collins fumbled the ball, untouched, which also looked like a
computer-forced error.  Jeff Fisher is tempted to “reset” his
entire season after two home losses.

Washington Redskins 9, St. Louis Rams 7

DC fans booed the ‘Skins for only beating the wretched Rams by two.
After the game, rookie linebacker Robert Henson – who hasn’t played
yet this year – responded via Twitter, “Who are you to say you know
what’s best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at McDonalds”.  In a
related story, linebacker Robert Henson will be working at McDonald’s
in 2010.

Atlanta Falcons 28, Carolina Panthers 20

Jake Delhomme threw only one interception Sunday, compared to the four
he threw last week, and the five he threw in the playoffs last year.
Delhomme’s new contract pays him $20 million guaranteed.  Is Michael
Jordan running this North Carolina team, too?

Minnesota Vikings 27, Detroit Lions 13

Adrian Peterson is really good, Brett Favre is really old, and the
Lions are still really bad.  This was their 19th loss in a row, and
they probably won’t win for at least another month.  At this point,
ownership might petition Congress for a bailout, or failing that, two
extra games against the Rams.

Cincinnati Bengals 31, Green Bay Packers 24

The Packers recovered an onside kick and drove to the Bengals’
ten-yard-line with two seconds left, then lost when one of their
players false-started. That’s like a player hitting a grand slam, down
four runs in the ninth, and getting called out for running out of the
baseline.  Packers fans were crying into their fried cheese all
afternoon.

Oakland Raiders 13, Kansas City Chiefs 10

The city streets, dive bars, and tattoo parlors of Alameda County were
full of filthy, leather-clad fans shouting “Raaaaiders!” after
Oakland’s thrilling win on Sunday.  To be fair, that would have been
the case even if the Raiders lost, but we like to think there were
slightly fewer arrests after the win.

Buffalo Bills 33, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 20

Saturday was “Talk Like a Pirate Day” worldwide. On Sunday, Buffalo
celebrated “Beat the Crap Out of the Team Named after Pirates Day”.
Tampa was about as tough as a bunch of software pirates.  Arrr they
gonna fire the new coach?

Baltimore Ravens 31, San Diego Chargers 26

Ray Lewis’s stupid dance trumped Shawne Marriman’s stupid dance as
Baltimore edged out San Diego.  In fairness to Merriman, his hands
were probably still sore from choking Tila Tequila.

Chicago Bears 17, Pittsburgh Steelers 14

Pittsburgh held Adrian Peterson to 16 yards, but still lost.  OK, it was

the “Other Adrian Peterson”, so it’s kind of like striking out “Tony Gwynn“.

Kicker Jeff Reed missed two field goals for the Steelers, because he is worthless.

AND he has a hilarious twitter, too: “Beat the fuck out of anyone! Even a woman! – Monster Energy Drink actual slogan.”

I recently reconnected with Rob to discuss his hilarious MA Men video, Boston sports, and what it was like to work with one of the New Kids on the Block.

1) You were faced with a daunting task – portraying Don Draper (the coolest man on television) AND the ultimate MASShole. How did you prepare for the role?

Well, the Masshole thing took no preparation. I was born in Boston and grew up just outside of the city, so I just talked like my family talks and voila. I wore my own Red Sox shirt and Larry Bird Converse Weapons. As far as portraying Don Draper, I just tried to have him be the aloof center of things while other people went nuts around him.

2) Like you, Jon Hamm seems like he’s a staple in the LA alternative comedy scene. Do you guys know each other? How does he feel about the spoof?

I’ve never met Jon Hamm. He is “on the scene” so to speak and I know Jamie Denbo (who wrote “MA MEN” & plays Joannie in the video) and Jessica Chaffin (Marcie) know him. He’s done their magnificent “Ronna & Beverly” show at the UCB. By now he’s probably seen it, but I cannot officially confirm it. Rich Sommer, who plays Harry on Mad Men told me he liked it.

3) What was it like working with Joey Mac? Follow up question “what are you a fag?”

Joey was awesome. He was very funny, very nice and up for anything. He is extremely beautiful and his eyes are hypnotic pools of blue. To answer your follow up question, yes I’m a super fag, and I’m willing to prove it.

4) The Red Sox shout outs were great, but as a big basketball fan, what really stood out to me was the Dana Barros jersey! Are you a big Boston sports fan yourself? A Celtics fan? I’m a huge Laker fan. How do you feel about THAT?

I am primarily a Red Sox fan. I enjoy watching the Celtics too, but I’m really a baseball guy. I should probably tell you that I actually sing the national anthem at Fenway before games occasionally. I used to sing before I did comedy and I had a friend at the Red Sox who asked me if I wanted to do it years ago. I’ve done it several times since.

5) Aside from the MA Men video, what’s your favorite new web video?

There are so many. Funny or Die’s batting average is so high. Not only are they funny and original, they even address political issues with very sharp satire more and more these days. One recent one of NO societal value that I LOVE is Rob Corddry and Seth Morris’s “Broner” video. And it’s good because it’s a funny idea, sure, but they both take it DEADLY seriously, which makes it amazing. Plus, I love videos where one guy tightly, angrily holds another guy’s erect penis, letting him know who the “boss” is.

6) What’s next for Rob Delaney? Any fun stand up comedy shows or new videos coming up?

I do standup constantly in LA and around the country. I have a big, yet-to-be-named show in LA in October where I tell one long funny story that will likely help secure affordable health care for all Americans and also help me get my “dinky stinky”. Also, I’m in a new show coming out this winter on the Sci Fi channel called “Outer Space Astronauts”.

Follow Rob on twitter: www.twitter.com/RobDelaney