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SUMMER MOVIE AWARDS

The summer is over. Kids are going to back to school and await anxiously for lunch time and recess. Young adults go back to school and await anxiously as they know student loans will, one day, destroy their lives. And sadly, the summer movie season ends.

In all honesty, it isn’t that memorable. I don’t feel like it was a very exciting season. There were some cool movies, some really bad movies, and some sexy movies (Chris Evans, hello! I mean, um, shit, what women were in movies this summer?)

Here are my summer movie awards. All of these were voted on by a committee of myself and my collection of Ninja Turtle action figures (the large, 12-inch tall ones.)

BIGGEST SURPRISE – CAPTAIN AMERICA
Here is a movie that was just asking to be hated. I mean, it’s called Captain America. It kind of seems like an idea that Tea Partiers would come up with in between protests and destroying our country.

But director Joe Johnson and super-hunk Chris Evans delivered a really fun and exciting film. They found a great way to deal with the entire “Captain America” shtick, almost making a joke out of it. They gave it what all good superhero moves need, a heart.

Unfortunately, the screenwriters had to stick with the timeline made for “The Avengers,” so they had to get the Cap to modern times. I would have loved for there to have been more World War 2 adventures. But now, we get to see him fight along other awesome Marvel superheroes. That might be a pretty awesome trade off.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT – GREEN LANTERN
Really? The main villain will be a giant cloud? Come on!

This film has a great lesson for young filmmakers: a sense of place. It’s always good to establish your location in some way. Real locations are easiest because they come in with pre-established information and emotions. But fictional cities need some time to establish. Metropolis for Superman, Gotham for Batman, my sexpad for sexy ladies. All are giving sweeping establishing shots, scenes of its citizens, anything to make the city real.

In Green Lantern, I couldn’t tell you where the hell this city was. Apparently, it is a fictional city, but I have no idea. I didn’t feel anything for the city, its citizens, buildings, anything. Big emotional disconnect.

Also, if you’re going to make a superhero movie, don’t have him spend most of the movie pouting. Also, don’t establish a cool bad buy and then have him killed so easily and quickly. Also, more Ryan Reynolds being an awesome badass, less in-space crap.

Also, no giant cloud bad guys. Lame.

BEST COMEDY – BRIDESMAIDS
I loved this movie. One of the most-fun times I’ve had in a movie theatre.

Filmmakers often find humor in giving women vulgar things to say, thinking that is all you need for a good comedy. Luckily, everyone involved in this one knew that the vulgar had to be placed within a meaningful story and wasn’t just meant for shock and laughs.

Kristen Wiig, an actress that easily gets on my nerves on Saturday Night Live (mostly because she is overused, not because of anything with her) is perfect in this. It’s nice to see Maya Rudolph back, also. But Melissa McCarthy steals the show.

Lots of funny ladies. Lots of funny boners. I mean, sexy boners. My boners are sexy. And veiny.

BEST FILM THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO KICK MY DICK, IN A GOOD WAY, BUT ENDED UP JUST KICKING MY DICK IN WAYS THAT HURT AND LEAVE BRUISING AND MAKE ME SUPER UPSET AND MAD – TRANSFORMERS 3: DARK OF THE BLAH BLAH BLAH
I don’t want to get in into too much. This movie just pisses me off.

Again, a lame story. What the hell was going on most of the time? Why do Transformers build pillars to bring their planet to Earth? Why does it take hundreds of them? Why is only one the key? Wouldn’t there be a number that were important and keys? Why didn’t they build a backup plan just in case one broke? “Well, fakers, we broke one. No planet for us!” Why take their old planet? Why not just destroy Earth and take it.

Anyway, like I said, I don’t want to get into it…

When did Shia LeBeouf learn parkour? Why Chicago? Seriously, why the fuck did the Transformers need Chicago? It’s never explained! How come a film about fighting robots gets made without a lot of fighting robots? Why did the humans chose to jump out of the building and slide down it without a backup plan? Why did MY DICK HURTS.

HARRY POTTER IS AWESOME AWARD: HARRY POTTER: THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2

I love these movies. We will never get a film series as well made, acted, and written than these. SNAPE 4EVA!

BEST FILM OF THE SUMMER: SUPER 8
I want to make sweet, deep love to this film and just cuddle forever afterward. From the heartbreaking first shot to the final frame, everything about this film was amazing.

JJ Abrams channels his inner-Spielberg and gives us a film that feels like the films I saw as a child. It’s my generation’s ET.

I laughed, I cried, and held in urine for longer than I could ever imagine just so I didn’t miss anything. And then I cried some more (half because of the ending, half because of the pain.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Horrible Bosses – It’s nice to see Charlie Day getting some primetime play.
X-Men: First Class – A lot of fun. Nice to see the franchise get a good reboot and a great palate cleanser from the Wolverine movie.
Beginners – Indie movie Heaven. This could be my favorite film of the year.
Thor – I expected this to be terrible, but was a lot of fun and pretty damn good. Makes me more excited about “The Avengers.”

HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 2

10 years and eight movies later, the Harry Potter saga is over. I did some research and found out that the series did, in fact, make about 14 gagillionjillion dollars.

But most importantly, Hermoine turned out really, really hot.

Though some saw it as a cash crab, WB and the filmmakers decided to split the second film in half in order to get as much of the book in the film as possible, which is something I very much welcome. Sure, they get way more money now, but also, we get two very good films. Someday, when they get released as one movie, it’ll be an epic 4.5 hours of movie watching. Also, an epic 4.5 hour erection over Hermoine. Seriously, have you seen her lately. Talk about a curse. On my wiener.

You’ve probably seen the film or heard about it, but for those who don’t have erections about Hermoine, in this film, Harry faces Voldemort for the final time. But before that, he must destroy all the Horcruxes. There are seven total, all containing a part of Voldemort’s soul. Luckily, one of those isn’t Hermoine. Because she is hot and I’d hate for her to have to die.

It’s a 130 minute film, about 100 of those being action. It is truly fantastic how it all comes together. Neville Longbottom who, if I can say so, truly grew into his very British face to become kind of hot (but not hot like Hermoine. I mean, I like girls. Not boys. Not boys named Neville. Stop it, erection!), shows up in a big way as the de facto leader of the Hogwarts students while our group of three have been searching for Horcruxes. When they arrive, they devise a plan to take over the school from Snape, who is now running it after killing Dumbledore. Also, Hermoine is there. And hot and stuff. She even has boobs now. And an age that is legal.

Alan Rickman as Snape is the best part of this entire series. The guy truly can play evil and be kind at the same time. When Harry learns what Snape has done for him, it is truly heartbreaking for both characters. Rickman shines through this film, which is very hard to do with the likes of Michael Gambon as Dumbledore, Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort and Emma Watson as the super fucking hot Hermoine.

It is obvious, I loved the film. You should definitely see it. It is truly an accomplishment that these films remained this good over the decade they were in production. It’s a lesson in storytelling and love that author JK Rowling turned over her baby, the Harry Potter saga, to these filmmakers, to bring into fruition. Of course, you can always have the argument that the book is better, but that is a ridiculous argument. Books and movies are completely different media outlets. Books have the time to explore indefinite side stories and characters. Movies have about 2.5 hours, if they are lucky. Movies have to sacrifice and Steve Kloves, who adapted all of them, did the best job possible. There will always be things left out that I wish weren’t (for example, the way Voldemort meets his demise in the books is way cooler than in the movie), but those are pointless arguments.

Besides, books are stupid. Unless they have photos of Hermoine in them. Hot photos. So, so hot.

MOVIE REVIEW – “TRANSFORMERS 3″

I wanted to love Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon. I really, really did. It even starts off pretty awesome, with some revisionist history about the Apollo 11 moon landing actually a cover for searching an Autobot’s ship crash landing on the moon.

There are a few cheesy lines, mainly being a NASA scientist asking Neil Armstrong, right after Armstrong told him about the aliens and the ship, “We’re not alone, are we?” Armstrong responds, “No, we are not.” A better response would have been, “Fuck no, dude! I just told you the crazy shit I saw. We’re you not fucking listening? I’m on the fucking moon looking at fucking weird alien shit. Well, robot aliens. Fuck! I have no fucking clue what I am looking at, but yeah. Let me ask your overly-dramatic question with: fuck no, we are not alone. Hey, asshole, I’m on the fucking moon, with fucking aliens. You’re on Earth in air conditioning, surrounded by scientists with huge boners. Leave the rhetorical shit behind while I try not to shit myself.”

Michael Bay attempts to give us some sort of story or plot with the film, but it doesn’t really materialize. Based on the gagillion dollars the film made, I’m going to assume you’ve seen it. If not, then everything I say won’t make sense. But even if you saw it, it wouldn’t make much more sense.

After Transformers 2, Bay was accused of using excess as a way of hiding the lack of story or plot. So what does he do this time around? He doesn’t even try to give a story or plot. 2 was bogged down with a crazy story and crazy ideas with little or nothing tying the ideas together. This time around, Bay is like, “you know what? Screw it. Make shit blow up real good and we’ll go home rich.”

I’m a huge Bay fan and apologist. Until now. Any shit he gets for 3 is, probably, warranted. The guy is still the expert at making shit blow up and making it look really, really good. But nothing else makes sense. “Oh, we gotta get up high to shoot a rocket at a building? Let’s use the building that is already falling down!”

“Oh, Optimus Prime uses huge metal swords and rockets but can get trapped in Earth-based construction cables. Why not?”

“We need a new actress? Let’s get a model that has never acted before! Boobies!”

“Let’s have Chicago get destroyed but NEVER EXPLAIN WHY THE ROBOTS GO THERE TO BEGIN WTIH.”

“Sam Witwicky can Parkour now? Cool!”

Nothing makes sense. And it makes matters worse when 90% of the dialoge is trying to explain things. It’s just one scene doing its best to make sure the next scene makes some sort of sense.

I know, these movies shouldn’t be about story, but about robots blowing shit up real good. Well, they do blow shit up real good. The action scenes are awesome. The windsurfer sequences are amazing to see and about the only reason to really see this movie in 3D (otherwise, the 3D really doesn’t bring anything to the movie.) But it’s hard to really, really care when nothing makes sense. Like the last hour of Transformers 2. There are some amazing action set pieces there, but I have no clue why they are happening and so, I do not care.

Nothing makes sense, really, and that is why this film fails. I say you should go see it with some friends and have some beers. It’s worth seeing just to see some awesome action. But maybe wait until it is in a dollar theater. Or if you want to see it quicker, don’t by the 3D premium.

Like I said, I wanted to love this movie. I wanted to say “Haha! Bay, haters! Suck that exploding dick that just went in your butt and our your head!” But I cannot. Bay needs someone to rope him down and more importantly, read his scripts.

Here is a sample page from Transformers 3.

EXT. CHICAGO – Day

Shit blows up.

SAM WITWICKY – Why is shit blowing up?

RANDOM PERSON – So we have to go up this building!

SAM – Oh, okay!

RANDOM PERSON 2 – Once we get in that building, we can save the world!

INT. BUILDING – LATER

Shit blows up in the building.

SAM – This building was a bad choice!

RANDOM PERSON – I know! We needed to get higher to save the world!

SAM – Oh no, the building is falling down!

RANDOM PERSON – The building is falling down because of Decepticons!

RANDOM PERSON 2 – Decepticons are bad guys!

SAM – If we let the Decepticons win, we lose!

RANDOM PERSON – Losing is bad!

So, yeah. How can I get that job? That asshole writer is rich.

MOVIE REVIEW – “SUPER 8″


So, yeah. Real men cry. They cry, like, a lot. Especially during this movie. Real dudes do. Non-real dudes don’t cry. They probably spend all their time being emotionless and boning women. Meanwhile, real men like me sit back, watch Super 8, cry some, then talk to women about the Kardashians or whatever the hell women talk about.

Writer/Director JJ Abrams second feature film, after the awesome Star Trek reboot, brings us a shot of Spielbergian nostalgia that movies so desperately need. Spielberg has always had this way of making grand, impossible stories, sticking in average Joes, and making the viewer believe all of it is possible. His films are always full of adventure and action, but steeped in interesting and real characters (not counting Schindler’s List. That movie is the worst comedy ever.)

And Abrams has found a way to bring all those feelings, emotions, and storytelling techniques and add his own flare (literally, lens flares everywhere.)

Joe Lamb and his father Jackson are having a hard time coping with the death of his mother. Jackson is distant, barely home, concentrating on his police work. Meanwhile, Joe is hanging out with his friends, creating a hilarious zombie movie, shot on super 8mm film.

By now, you know what happens. They witness a train crash that contains a monster or alien or a Kardashian, I’m not sure (it’s actually an alien but I had to act like I didn’t know so that joke would work.) Strange things start happening in town and the kids, while shooting their film, search for clues.

The film works only because the kids work. They act like real friends. They’re shitty to one another, but not in a mean way, but in that friend way. They swear, like kids do, they fight over girls and get over it real quick, like young kids do, and they don’t listen to adults. The four friends and the new-to-the-group girl played by Elle Fanning (which, by the way, is having a dramatically better career than her sister now. One is staring in Sofia Coppola movies and big super blockbusters. The other is a boring vampire in the Twilight series. I’m also not sure if either are legal, and I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’m not going to physically compare them) work so well together that you can buy in to what they are doing. You can buy into the fact they are risking their lives for shots or to find out what this monster is.

Kyle Chandler plays Joe’s father and I am happy to see him getting a big part. Chandler seems like a cool dude and he does a great job balancing the tortured father part.

The film has problems, sure. What happens with the mother is a big deal that I won’t give away, but the problems that caused between two families gets resolved a little too easily. Some stuff with the monster goes unexplained. Does he eat all people? Why is he eating one person, but not another? I don’t remember if he captured any minorities. Is the monster racist or just not into dark meat? Is that joke racist? The movie never answers these questions.

I can get real picky, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to be cynical about everything. I don’t want to constantly be picking things apart. I know there are problems, but I don’t care. It is nice to watch a film that makes me feel like a kid again. It makes me feel like I’m watching ET or Jurassic Park again, back when things were easy and I wasn’t always concerned with character arcs or plot devices or stuff like that.

Best movie of the summer, so far.

Posted: July 6th, 2011 under Movie Reviews.
Comments: none

Movie Review: “Sucker Punch”

Here’s what happened.

Zack Snyder went into a pitch meeting wearing a huge smile across his face and probably something super trendy from the Gap or some shit like that. He sat across from studio execs, men and women begging for a hit film, begging for money, begging for something that’ll help them not lose their jobs.

“You remember my film 300?” Snyder asked.

“Oh, yes! That was a huge success!” said one exec.

“Now, replace the dudes in that with scantily clad hot chicks. Now give me millions.”

The execs looked at each other, each one sporting a huge erection. Even the one woman exec (which made this otherwise monumental occasion awkward.)

As Snyder walks away, one of the execs says, “Wait! Hold on, what’s the story?”

Snyder continues walking out the door.

Why did he keep walking? BECAUSE THERE IS NO FUCKING STORY. HOW THE HELL DID THIS MOVIE GET MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS (according to Box Office Mojo, $82 million.)

Sucker Punch is basically a video game that isn’t fun to play and a music video that isn’t fun to watch. It’s apparently about empowering women, but the funny thing is, all the empowering is done in dreams, never in real life. Great message! “Hey, little girls. You can totally be independent and dominate the world, but only in your dreams. And sometimes a dream within a dream. Now go get a short skirt on and flash that cooter all over the place.”

It’s a bad sign when I have to go to IMDB to look at characters’ names, which I definitely need to do. But this movie doesn’t deserve it. So here is a rough plot outline.

White-haired girl’s mom dies, she tries to kill her stepdad but kills her sister (mind you, the sister was sitting on the floor and White-haired girl shot a lightbulb on the ceiling and the sister got shot in the back of the head and FUCK PHYSICS WE GOT A PLOT TO GET TO!). So her stepdad sends her to a mental hospital so he can get dead mom’s inheritance.

The mental hospital is ran by a crooked dude I refer to as… crooked dude. Fuck it, I don’t care. Crooked dude is a dick. Moving on…

I don’t know. From there, the mental hospital turns into some sort of old timey speakeasy where the crazy girls dance for rich men. And white-haired chick is forced to dance and when she does for the first time, she suddenly teleports to a place where she meets an old dude who is the poor man’s David Carradine. She gives him super cheesy advice that is suppose to be empowering women, then givers her a sword and a gun and a list of shit she’ll need to escape the hospital. After that, three huge CGI ninja things show up and they fight. She gets kicked through a building and through pillars, hits the ground and slides across it, tearing up the floor. She simply shrugs and gets up.

Also, she’s in a skirt and a short shirt. Empowering women and boners, I guess.

Anywho, she kills them and teleports back to the hospital where everyone tells her she is a fantastic dancer. Whatever.

She has five days to escape before she gets a lobotomy. So she enlists some other girls from the hospital to help her get out. From there, they go on a journey to get these items. How do they get them? White-haired girl dances and suddenly they are all transported to fantasy lands where they fight random shit, from zombie nazis to dragons to robots to my anger. Each one dressed super sexy, flashing vaginas and cleavage everywhere.

That’s all you really need to know. Does that make sense? No. No it fucking doesn’t. Nothing in this movie does. The movie looks pretty, I guess that’s good. The action scenes are cool at first until they just turn into the same thing over and over and over again. I really do not understand how this movie got made. I hate saying that because I think Snyder is a great filmmaker with a tremendous style, but someone needs to reel him in a bit. Christopher Nolan, I’m looking at you. Don’t let him mess up Superman.

I read a bunch of good and bad reviews of this film before going in. I was prepared for a movie that might be bad, but still be fun. Something like Michael Bay would make. I was also prepared to watch it and go home and fiercely masturbate to images of the women in this film. But no. That I could not do. I was too enraged about how terrible this film was. I couldn’t do anything when I got home. Absolutely nothing.

So if Sucker Punch did anything well, it kept me from having to buy more socks. Thanks, assholes.

THE FIELD NEGRO GUIDE TO ARTS & CULTURE

What do you get when you combine one of the most important comedians working today and one of the best electric guitar players of all time? You get “The Field Negro Guide to Arts and Culture Podcast,” the outspoken brainchild of comedian W. Kamau Bell and legendary Living Colour Guitarist Vernon Reid. Less a traditional podcast and more like a conversation that you overhear in a coffee shop and can’t pull away from, Kamau and Vernon cover everything from Swedish vampire movies to Gary Coleman. It’s two black men who have been accused of being outside of the (black) box so long that they have built homes there. In the most current episode (#2), Vernon and Kamau share their thoughts on Inception and some rare previously unreleased songs and jokes.

Get on board. It’s gonna be interesting.

Download the Field Negro Guide to Arts and Culture on iTunes

ACADEMY AWARDS INSIDER

By Mark Potts

It’s that time of year again: the battle of good, deserving films versus those that, by some grace of God, are nominated (I’m looking at you, The Blind Side). What film will win? What actor will give a moving speech? What actress will dress in something that shows awesome nipple (I’m looking at you, Precious actress)? I don’t know, but let’s break down the major nominations and see what we have.

Visual Effects
Not a major category, per se, but I have something to say. It’s Avatar vs. District 9 vs. Star Trek and if the world were a fair place (it isn’t) District 9 would win. For very little money, Neil Blomkamp (which sounds way too much like blumpkin to not make me giggle) and his crew were able to create life-like and realistic looking aliens. Meanwhile, James Cameron made an awesome looking film about blue cats fighting but could afford it by constantly pressing money on his at home money-pressing machine.

Animated Feature
Up has to win. I know, I know, Fantastic Mr. Fox was awesome, incredibly old school, and had a great soundtrack, but that film didn’t make me cry five times and cuddle with my fiancé for hours on end begging her “to never grow old, never grow old.” That film fucked me… Up. Get it? PUN!

Actress in a Supporting Role
Vera Farmiga from Up in the Air would be a good choice, but she used a butt double for her nude scene, so she’s out. Besides, Mo’Nique will win this no matter what. Can you imagine what the plate makers for the Oscar statues must be thinking when they print her name? I’m not saying her name is stupid, but it’s stupid.

Actor in a Supporting Role
Christoph Waltz will win because he played a nut job well. Plus, he’s won almost every other supporting role this season. Woody Harrelson would probably give the coolest acceptance speech because he’ll be stoned out of his mind.

Actress in a Leading Role

Sandra Bullock, really? Don’t get me wrong, she is good in The Blind Side, but The Blind Side, really? No. Helen Mirren would be a good choice because she’s the definition of cougar if there ever was one. But I want Meryl Streep to win because she wins everything and she also seems high all the time, so her speeches are always entertaining.

Actor in a Leading Role

As I’ve stated before, I look like George Clooney, so I’m hoping he wins because it would probably help me out in some way. But if I were a betting man, I’d go with Jeff Bridges. His performance was phenomenal. So was Jeremy Renner’s, who, when told on the Today Show of his nomination, seemed genuinely surprised and honored. You don’t see that in Hollywood much these days.

Best Picture
Oh boy, there are 10 this year! How exciting. This was obviously not a ploy to get more people to watch the telecast, was it? No…

I’m glad Up was thrown into this category but it has no chance. The Academy doesn’t like to bestow awards on comedies or animated films. That is why Bill Murray has yet to win one which is a damn shame. So we are left with three front runners: Up in the Air, Avatar, and The Hurt Locker.

Up in the Air was a great film. It had something for everyone and George Clooney was amazing in it. He looks like me too, did I mention that? But it doesn’t have the buzz anymore.

The folks behind Avatar like to say they deserve it because of their positive reviews and record-breaking box office. But they forget to mention they are barely in the top 25 films when it comes to ticket sales and the fact that the film was a kitty cat version of Dances with Wolves. It was a great film, but not the best. That award will probably be given to The Hurt Locker. Which is fine. It’s a small indie movie that deserved more butts in the theatre seats. But, if I had my way, it’d go to District 9.

So, that’s it. Get excited! Start an Oscar party! Take a shot every time someone makes a joke about Jews and old people! You’ll be out in 30 minutes, I guarantee it.

Movie Review: Did you Hear about the Morgans?

by Mark Potts

This column is an early review for a film yet to be released. The review is based on watching the trailer and filling in the details myself. While not all the details are accurate, I don’t care.

did_you_hear_about_the_morgans_ver2

Oh, Hugh Grant. Your smooth British accent and calm, fumbling demeanor allow you to say and do anything and it comes off as funny and charming. I am serious. When my parents die, I hope it’s Hugh Grant who tells me.

Hugh
Mr. Potts, uh, um … I’m afraid that your mummy and daddy,
Well … Oh, God, how do I say this? How to give this news?

Mark

I wish you and I were friends.

Hugh
Well, I am afraid that … uh, me giving you this information
might make that wish die in a horrible fire crash…much like
your parents.

Mark
Let’s get yogurt!

So, it’s with this in mind that I did in fact enjoy Did You Hear About the Morgans? But, it is definitely not without flaws.

The film follows Meryl and Paul Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant) and their dreadful married life. On the verge of getting a divorce, they witness a murder, become targets, and are moved into the Witness Relocation Program to protect their lives.

If you think that’s hilarity and life lesson learning you’re smelling, then you’re correct! (If it’s the smell of rotting flesh, then you or someone in your vicinity is dead).

The source of the marital problems is familiar. Paul is gaining ground in the corporate world and having later nights in the office. Meryl is feeling like Paul doesn’t pay attention anymore and she is having issues with the fact that she is sometimes hot, but sometimes not. Parker plays this role well.

Upon getting news that Paul has been promoted and they will have to move to Hong Kong, Meryl loses it and wants out. Paul doesn’t understand why she is so upset, which sets Meryl off. Meryl’s mother was brutally murdered the year before and Hong Kong reminds her of that (the man who killed her mother was from Maine, where he worked for a company that shipped computer parts from India, which is a country in the same vicinity as China, which is home to Hong Kong).

Needless to say, Paul did not remember this story. But this does present the film’s biggest plot hole, which is NO ONE CAN DENY HUGH GRANT.

But they see a guy get killed and are forced to move to Wyoming. Yes, Wyoming. How crazy is that? That place is like the exact opposite to Manhattan. If Manhattan were an apple, then Wyoming is a pear (those fruits are in fact opposite according to studies performed by me).

In Wyoming, they encounter some zany locals who like to hunt (weird!) talk slowly (crazy!) don’t use cell phones (impossible!) and like the slow life.

Now this is where the film begins to drop off. I understand that the Morgans are living in unknown surroundings, but some of their actions are outright moronic. For example, they see that the couple they are living with have deer heads mounted on their walls. The Morgans decide to murder a local mailman and put his head on the wall. Needless to say, the couple does not like it.

Then there’s a scene where they learn to shoot guns. Meryl turns out to be quite the marksman, which upsets Paul. One day, Paul challenges Meryl to a shooting contest. At first, they shoot cans, but then they decide to shoot at the other local mailman. Paul shoots the mailman in the chest, and Meryl laughs. “You know, what I’ve learned in Wyoming is that you gotta finish them off!” Then she shoots the mailman in the back of the head. I just don’t understand what the screenwriters were thinking here. And where were the police to lock them up? That’s a glaring continuity error.

Needless to say, the town (and audience) is not happy. The Morgans have left the town void of mailmen. Mail begins to pile up at the local post office. People can’t get mail out and due to the town not having Internet connection, it is completely cut off from the outside world. Sides are drawn and a civil war is about to start. Mary Steenburgen, who plays Emma Wheeler, one of the people who let the Morgans live with them, disembowels herself in the city square in an effort to stop the ensuing battle. The Morgans see this, fall in love, and decide to make things right.

While I did not enjoy seeing a fifteen-minute disembowel scene, what comes afterward makes up for it and leaves the audience smiling. The Morgans decide to take over as the town mailmen, deliver all the mail, and restore order. Once done, they vow to stay together forever, in Wyoming, and deliver mail.

Overall, I thought the film did well telling the story of a couple falling out of love, then discovering what was most important: the mail system. However, I felt that it was a little heavy handed in pushing the pro-mail system agenda and some in the audience were not happy about this. Still, I recommend seeing it.

Mark Potts is a filmmaker, producer, and former Finalist in the Rooftop Comedy National College Funny Film Competition.