Paolo: Hey Mike, how’s it going?
Mike: I am doing well..Living the dream

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Mike: I was teaching outside of Philly, finishing up my masters, living by myself. Was bored after work during the week, so i started going to open mic nights on Wednesdays at the comedy club.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Mike: I think Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy were both brilliant comics. As far as guys working today, Dave Attell, Greg Giraldo, and Patrice O,Neal.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Mike: The Insane Clown Posse has what is called the Jugallo Festival (a few hours outside of Chicago) in the woods every year. There are different events, not to mention drinking etc. One of the events is comedy. It was me and two of my friends performing. I went up, i said “how are all the ladies feeling”, i was immediately confronted by a jugallo (insane clown posse fan) who told me to “stop talking to their women” – apparently the jugallo’s take things very personally. Every joke i told was followed by boos, screams of – you suck, and in a few instances, plastic bottles being thrown. A preteen in the front row gave me the finger the entire time i was on stage.

Paolo: If it wasn’t for comedy, what do you think you’d be doing now?
Mike: Something to do with education, but not classroom teaching. I’ve had my fill.

Paolo: How would you life would’ve been different if you won those spelling bees at Pine Grove Elementary?
Mike: I wouldn’t have to work, I’ll tell you that much. The money from endorsements alone is mind boggling. Is boggling with 1 g or 2 g’s?

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any final words for your adoring fans out there?
Mike: Final words for fans…. – Thanks for your support. My website is Mikevecchione.com
I am also on Facebook and Myspace.

Paolo: In addition to comedy, people have probably seen you on commercials for Career Builder and Sears. Are you thinking of doing anymore acting in the future?
Kyle: Yes definitely, I have studied acting for years, I love it…my most recent project was in an NBC pilot called The Green Team, I still no word if it’s going to make it to air but I have one of the principal roles.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Kyle: It started as hobby, something i did at night after my day job.
My first gig ever was at a hair show in New Jersey, I did fifteen minutes in between the models. Killed.
I moved to miami a few months later, and started performing in the local ghetto rooms.


Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Kyle: Richard Pryor, (Eddie) Murphy, Chris Rock, Bill Hicks, Dave Chappelle and many others. I’m influenced by a lot of comedians even the ones that suck.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Kyle: I was bombing at a show in Miami when I did a stupid joke where I fall on the floor and roll around, but I ended up ripping the mic cord out of the ground.
They had to stop the show and replace the cord, meanwhile I’m standing there like a jackass in a dead silent room

Paolo: You left your job in 2000 as an art director to pursue comedy. How different do you think your life would’ve been if you stayed?
Kyle: I probably would have blown my brains out by now. Don’t get me wrong I loved my career but nothing gives you the freedom like stand-up. The travel, the people it’s always different.

Paolo: What are your thoughts on hip-hop nowadays?
Kyle: I’m praying for hip-hop, I hope that the new generation gets the true meaning (peace, love, unity). Hip-hop has become such a big business that it’s hard to tell what’s motivating hip-hoppers, is it the money and ego’s or is it the sense of community and self expression.

I have been into hip hop since 1979 and it has influenced my life in so many positive ways, I wonder if the new generation is getting that same education.
 
Paolo: Lastly, do you have any final words for your adoring fans?
Kyle: I want to tell my fans just to come out and see me you won’t be disappointed. visit me kylegrooms.net, Facebook or Myspace.
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Paolo: Finding your Star Trek song at RooftopComedy was one of the things that made my month. Would you care to articulate in textual terms your love for Geordi La Forge and/or Levar Burton?
Chuck: Warp factor: Ridiculous!!!!!

I’ve always been a big next generation fan, and love to write these huge epic ballads about people. But the idea didn’t come to me to do a Jordi LaForge song until I was forced to write an entire musical in a week for our sketch group last year. The opening scene was a band meeting between some krusty punk rockers who just want chicks and beer VS. the biggest nerd in the universe, who is only in the band because he’s got all the cool music equipment.

My girlfriend’s name is Jordi too, so I thought it would also be funny to be like, “listen baby, I’m writing you an epic love song…sortof.”

Once I got the idea for the song, it only took about 20 minutes to write and about an hour to record the music, which is pretty rare for me. I’ve only performed it twice, once for the sketch show and once at Cap City Comedy Club, but it’s one of my favorite musical pieces I’ve ever gotten to do.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Chuck: I’ll give two answers to this question and let the readers decide which one is the real one…

A)
I was born into this hustle that we call comedy…….Literally.
I was born behind a Ms. Pac-Man machine in the early 80’s at “The Wacky Factory” in Bananarama, Alabama. My father was the house MC. He went by the stage name of “Doctor Pie-in-the-Face”, which wasn’t too far of a stretch from his real name: “Professor Pi N.D. Krotch.” He changed it because he didn’t want to seem too “low brow”, and this way he still got free pie, which was important in those days because being an MC didn’t pay shit, and he was hungry with a wife and kids. At some point he invented the poop joke, and the paychecks haven’t stopped rolling in since.

B)
Acting like a goofy idiot has been the only thing I’ve ever been good at. I’ve always been playing music, writing sketches and plays, but at some point a few years I stumbled up onstage and did standup and people seemed to either like it or were so baffled they couldn’t boo, because I kept coming back week after week and haven’t really let up since.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Chuck: The guys I gravitated to at a very early age (6,7,8) were guys like Steve Martin & Gilda Radner & Bill Murray, because I remember watching them on Saturday Night Live or The Muppet Show, (The Muppet Show is a big deal for a 5 year old and leaves a very lasting impression)

But when I hit my teens I got really into “serious film” (whatever that means), which is how discovered into Woody Allen and Robert Altman. I remember loving Woody Allen and wanting to make movies like him but then buying his standup records and just thinking, “Man, screw the movies, all the funny is right here. You don’t need a camera, you just need a microphone and someone willing enough to let you be a goon.”

Woody Allen and Steve Martin, more than anyone else, showed me that you could distill these giant, worldly ideas (which might take someone in another artistic medium tons of time and money) and turn them into something silly and fun, without making the “idea” any less important. I think that’s why the concept of enlightenment through idiocy has always been appealing to me.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Chuck: I started to write out a semi-bullshit response about how even the worst shows you do can be really constructive and whatnot, but screw
that- I’ve got a great story about a horrible terrible show…So here goes-

A few years back, a club opened up in Temple, Tx that a bunch of guys from Austin drive down and worked a lot. The owner was nice but it was a terrible room. They had giant local ads up all behind the stage for things like fire insurance and the local AIDS hospice and whatnot.
(Who doesn’t want to look at a giant AIDS billboard while they listen to jokes?)

The owner got this idea to host “The Funniest Person in Texas Contest” which is a pretty cocky thing to do for a club that hosts hip-hop night on Sundays and open mic poetry on Wednesdays (”Roses are red, violets are blue, my wallet is empty and my future is too.”)

Prize money was $1000 bucks, so what the hell, I signed up, made it through the first round by because only 4 comics out of 12 showed up, and four advance each round. I made it through the 2nd round by being the only comic of the night to solicit a laugh, when came when I while I was hassling the guy in the front row heckling me, who turned out to be one of the judges.

The final round comes and i go on after a contestant who happens to be the insurance salesmen sponsor whose picture is on the wall. He closes with this convoluted bit where he turns around and his jeans have the ass cut out of them (for some reason!). I had seen him do this in the 2nd round and thought it would be funny to take off my underpants in the bathroom and tuck them into my blazer like a hanky, then be like “hey forgot something” and throw my underwear at him from onstage. Bad idea, turns out that was only funny to me, because no one laughed at that or anything else I said for the next 10 minutes.

It comes time to announce the winner, the host brings ALL the contestants onstage, and announces “Hey, everybody give a big round off applause for Chuck Watkins, the proud winner of 7th place.” Then he went down list in descending order.

My buddy Michael Naverette won and i was going to ride back with him, but had to wait around a bit while he got his prize money. I go drink a beer at the redneck bar around the corner (yeah- the one with the giant mural of a plane hitting the twin towers as a bald eagle cries a solitary tear) but when I come back I find that the host had miscalled the show, my buddy Michael had actually been voted 2nd place and 1st place really belonged to the guy who went up on the 10 foot unicyle and juggled knives for about 10 seconds. The host had rightly said, “Screw that dude- Naverette wins it” and called it for him. The unicycle guy starts a bitch fit and the assless insurance man starts turning over tables because apparently he had been promised 3rd place by the owner for being a sponsor. I left just before things got violent and never went back. Two weeks later my friend got mugged outside the club and shit her pants.

Paolo: It might be too early to ask, but how is your posting a music video a week on Youtube going? Are you writing an original song a week in addition to producing a music video?
Chuck: The weekly Youtube series has been a lot of fun so far. I started it because i wanted to keep myself in a constant music/humor cycle, and I was really worried that I would have a hard time coming up things that were somehow both musical and comedic all the time, but once I really got rolling I realized I had a ton of ideas. I’ve already got the next month of videos either completed or fully conceptualized and ready to perform.

The only real problem is that technology is such a pain in the ass.
I’ve a camera that loves to flake out on me when I need to shoot stuff and occasionally my computer or Youtube will grind things to a complete halt. I just finished a radio play parody 80’s romantic comedies called “When Harry Met Sally When She Got Mail While Sleepless in Seattle” and for some reason my computer doesn’t really want to upload it onto the web, but it will upload all my other videos. What gives?

That and it’s kind of annoying to go through all the social networking sites week after week and bug everyone you know to come check out yet another video of you acting very very silly. I love goofing around and making videos, but I hate all the PR work that comes along with it.

Paolo: You were just in our fair city of San Francisco for SF Sketchfest with your sketch group, The 3 Actorteers. What makes an Actorteer different from a regular, mortal actor?
Chuck: I have asked my friend Sillioquiolis, the 3rd greatest actor in the universe, and founding member of The 3 Actorteers to field this question.

SILILOQUIOLIS-
There is no higher purpose in life than acting, this we all know. It is also true that the human psyche is never so fully realized of it’s potential than when it is an audience for theater, specifically one of our productions. Therefore, we can conclude that to be an actorteer is to be one of the most powerful beings in the universe.

When The 3 Actorteers tour the world, performing such theatrical masterstrokes as Tony Kushner’s “Angels in Antartica” and Eugene O’Neil’s “The Iceman Can’t Cometh” (about the sexual dysfunctions of a frozen neanderthal) we strive to touch that place deep inside the audiences metapyhscial loins, and massage it until they can’t help but have messy explosion of theater all over themselves. That’s a powerful feeling, for both audience and actor.

As you may know, I am an Actologist who studies at the Church of Actology in Los Angeles. I got my big break as the underwear dancing teen in the film “Moderately Unsafe Business Venture” then went on to star in the box office hits, “Objective: Unaccomplishable”, “Objective:Unaccomplishable II” and, to a lesser extant, “Objective:Unaccomplishable III”, but never have I felt more satisfied and realized as a person, than when performing with The 3 Actorteers.

Paolo: Do you have anything you’d like to say to you adoring fans out there?
Chuck: Yes, I certainly do. Adoring Fans: please walk up to me and say “Hello.”
I was laboring under the distinct impression that you were a fictional construct of my mind.
It would be quite nice to be proven wrong. And if you’re too far away to say hello, hit me up on the web at www.youtube.com/ChuckWatkinsEsquire

Paolo: As Extreme Maggie, are there any extremes of extremity that you won’t do?
Maggie: I don’t like to eat gross stuff. I was dared to do the “chug a gallon of milk” challenge and I wouldn’t do it.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Maggie: Almost a decade ago, my sister triple dog dared me to do it while she was a waitress at a comedy club and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Maggie: I love when people take chances, or people who are very original. I would say I am a big fan of Amy Sedaris, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Maria Bamford, Kathleen Madigan, Lewis Black, Roseanne, Mitch Hedberg, and Carol Burnett. They all seem so fearless.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Maggie: I remember some show I did the first few months after I stated comedy. Some ladies in the front row wouldn’t stop talking and no matter what I said they would not shut their fat faces. I had no idea how to handle it so I left in the middle of my set and went backstage and cried. It was awkward for EVERYONE. I have since learned how to handle it and haven’t bailed since, no matter how bad the show has been going.

Paolo: Just what makes your triple-dog-dare different from any type of dare out there in the market today?
Maggie: The helmet cam. Name one other fat lesbian comic who accepts triple dog dares with a helmet cam.

Paolo: With Mixed Martial Arts being your third secret love (according to your website, do you have any picks for the upcoming UFC 94?
Maggie: I can’t wait for George St. Pierre to fight B.J. Penn . I think B.J. wants revenge and will train his little Hilo ass off to get it. He lost to St. Pierre by such a slight margin the first time. They are both such strong fighters and seem so well matched. It is sure to be an exciting fight and I know Penn would love to take home two different belts but I have to give the edge to St. Pierre. I just think he is a bit stronger and more athletic than Penn. The only way Penn can win is if he sneaks in a sly submission on the ground. I like Stephan Bonner against Jones. I think cousins Karo Parisyan and Manvil, “the anvil” Gamburyan are gonna be psyched up for victory. Machida will pull off a win as well as John Fitch. He is looking pretty sweet right now. I hope Nate Diaz will crush “the carpernter,” Clay Guida. I hate Clay Guida. Sure he has a lot of heart and is very aggressive but get your hair cut! Be a professional. If there is a chance you aren’t gonna see a punch cause you have your crazy Fabio hair in the way, either pull it back or get it cut. Plus I love to give the edge to any fighter who talks all sissified Mike Tyson-like. Nate Diaz has one of the girliest voices I know of, but is one tough fighter who will never give up. Don’t tell anyone I love MMA ok?

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any words for your adoring fans out there?
Maggie: Thank you, to both of you. I really love stand-up comedy and I20can’t do it without an audience, so thanks to everyone who gets out of the house to go and see a live show.

Geoff Tate, with his immense selection of jokes on the Rooftop of Comedy, has been making employees here laugh since 2006 (according to records on our administration tool). After an appearance at our inaugural Aspen RooftopComedy Festival back in May, and making his television debut on Live at Gotham over this past summer, Geoff has been making the rounds at comedy clubs, slinging jokes and zingers for a living.

Paolo: What was it like performing in Aspen for our Aspen RooftopComedy Festival?
Geoff: It was my first festival experience, so it was the first time I got to hang out with a bunch of comics not normally around each other. It was the most fun weekend of my career.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Geoff: I got a job working at the hotel the Go Bananas comedians stayed at, and I could go to the club for free. I started hanging out there on the weekends and seeing a lot of shows. Then, I saw the open mic on the schedule and tried it out.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Geoff: Eddie Gossling, Marc Maron, Todd Snider, daytime baseball, lots and lots of church, acid, Kurt Vonnegut

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Geoff: It was at a bowling alley/sand volleyball complex in Franklin, OH. That night they decided not to have the show inside at the bar. They wanted to have the show outside next to the volleyball area, where games were in session. I did a half hour and no one even noticed. I don’t even think the mic was on.

Paolo: According to your bio you are living the dream of “enjoying a life of sitting around, eating sandwiches, sleeping in and watching TV”, do you think that you dream is something other people should try to aspire to?
Geoff: Absolutely! I hear the economy is in bad shape but my daily schedule hasn’t changed a smidge.

Paolo: What do you have coming up on deck?
Geoff: I’ll be in Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minneapolis/St. Paul and Bloomington, IN soon. Check my schedule at www.geofftatecomedy.com

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any last words for your adoring fans?
Geoff: Keep coming to the clubs and, for god’s sake, tell me where I can get a good pizza.

Anyway.

Paolo: I was just talking to Kathleen McGee about what happened in Canada last week. You are a Canadian ex-pat, do you have any insight as to what happened with Canadian politics?
Gabe: I find that people in Canada are less attached to their political parties, whereas people in the states are identify themselves with their political parties almost before they affiliate themselves with being American.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Gabe: 9/11 . . . September 11th 1973 when the Chilean government was over thrown by a CIA backed coup d’état.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Gabe: Dana Carvey’s “Ross Perot,” Tina Fey’s “Sarah Palin,” and anyone else who makes waves… little waves.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Gabe: It was an open mic at a lesbian bar. I was heckled off stage. I had to calm myself down by listening to Tegan and Sara on the ride home.

Paolo: Do you know where the most racist city in America is? Have you ever been there, and just how racist was it?
Gabe: Holocaustdenyingville, Montana??? I would think that Lynchburg, Tennessee could have been considered a racist city at some point. But I do a joke in which I say that Saint Louis is the most racist city. And oddly enough, people don’t seem to mind that I’m lying; which leads me to believe that if you’re racist, you’re probably not too worried about facts.

Paolo: Canada. What do you miss about it?
Gabe: Lakes, loons, multi-coloured money… and don’t even get me started on those misplaced “u”s!

Something funny about the comic that I try to spin up goes here, but what I think Kathleen says about herself in the next few lines is solid gold, and must be exposed to more people.

I am a favorite to many drunken rig pigs of Alberta that think that I’m “funny for a girl” and “would like to eat my pussy sometime” *please note that those are direct quotes from some of my fans. I am proud to say that I have offended at least one uptight bitch in every city, town, village, hamlet, etc that I have visited. I’ve entered a numerous contest and won one at a gay bar and placed 2nd in another so I guess you could say contests are not my strong point…unless some drag queens are judging.

Paolo: Holy stuff! Just what exactly is going on in Canada right now? Did your government just slam dunk Parliament or something?
Kathleen: What is happening is that finally Canadian politics are finally interesting. It’s long and complicated but I think that we just saw how much fun American politics were getting and we just wanted to know what it was like to actually care about what our leaders are doing.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Kathleen: I had always wanted to try stand up and friends had always told me I should try. I had been dumped by a boy and was in a pretty dark place so I started going down to amature nights in Edmonton I just really wanted to laugh and feel better. Eventually I got on stage at a local open mic for an audience of 4…it was so terrifying but I loved it. I can’t work a desk job, I’ve tried and I hate it. Stand up is my dream job.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Kathleen: I am influenced by any comic that goes on stage and says what they want and has no fear. Doug Stanhope, Louis CK, Dave Attell, Eugene Mirman & Sean Rouse are some of my favorite American comedians. Canada has some amazing talent right now; Jon Dore, Sean Lecomber & Andrew Iwanyk are hilarious and will always try something new and different. They make it easier to take risks and try something that’s never been done before.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Kathleen: A friend of mine had seen my show and really liked it and asked me to perform at her company Christmas party. I’m not a corporate comic, I don’t have a clean set tied in a little bow for Christmas. I told my friend this and she said “No problem we’re all really cool at my office.” Against my better judgement I agreed to do the show and I brought 2 other comics with me. The first comic went up and I knew it was going to be a rough show, he usually does really well and he was getting nothing. I went up next and opened with my Itchy Boobs bit…and it only went downhill from there. I kept asking the other comics what I should do while I was on stage. They were being really helpful by yelling out various bits of mine “Do the rape bit! Do fucking Jesus!”…and I listened. I could see my friend and her co worker going over to the other comics asking them what to do. I could hear them saying “no no don’t stop the show it’s fine” I finished and brought the last guy up to let him suffer through the rest of the show. We should have stopped the show but I guess comics are gluttens for punishment. They still paid us…but I never heard from that friend again. I learned 2 things that night; Never listen to the other comics when you are bombing…they will make it more entertaining for themselves…bot you, and never do a show for a friend at Christmas.

Paolo: You seem to have the Hots for Jesus, according to your clip, Hot for Jesus. Are there any other religious figures you wouldn’t mind taking in the rectory?
Kathleen: Ha ha you said rectory! I bet you I could show the pope a good time.

Paolo: What else do you have in store in the legend of Kathleen?
Kathleen: Legend, that sounds so fancy! Well I’m getting out of Edmonton and moving myself down to LA at the end of January. I’m going to start all over from the very bottom and hopefully work my way up. I can’t think of a better place for a chubby girl from Canada to make it. My idea is that because I’m not 100 lbs with big fake boobs I’ll maybe stand out…in a good. My ideal life is doing stand up comedy full time touring all over the world what better way to travel the world? I’ve never had more fun then when I’m on the road with some amazing comics doing our best to make it fun!

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any last words to your adoring fans who would be reading this now?
Kathleen: Adoring fans? I have fans? Support your local comics. That’s what I would like people to do. Go out to your local comedy night or comedy club and make us comics feel good about ourselves for once!

Paolo: What was it like to perform at funfunfunfest a couple of weeks ago? Also, I read somewhere about a mustache incident happening, by way of aspecialthing, would you care to elaborate? Was there even an incident?
Matt: Fun Fun Fun Fest was, for the lack of creativity, very fun. Wow. I just re-read that first sentence and realized how lame it is. I mean, it’s terrible. Sure, I could re-write it, but why not let your audience know what an unfunny douche I really am?

Anyhow . . . two days, perfect weather, free beer. Pretty much a wining combo. I got into the spirit of things and did a stage dive during my set. It was as punk as I get. The guys who run Fun Fun (Transmission Entertainment) seem to be showing a lot of faith in comedy these days. They ran a similar thing during this past SXSW called “Mess With Texas”. Highlights included Tig (Notaro), PFT (Paul F. Tompkins), Reggie Watts, and others along side The Breeders, Matt & Kim, and Jay Reatard, et. al. Both events revolve around outdoor stages, which can usually be the kiss of death for stand up, but if you approach it correctly, it’s a blast.

I hate to disappoint you, but there really wasn’t much of a “mustache incident”. Occasionally, I’ll invite someone else with a stache to join me on stage so that we can touch our cock-dusters together. Like a dude-on-dude kiss, but without actual lip contact. It’s perhaps the most awkwardly looking and feeling thing. This kid in the FFFF audience was a particular trooper. He apparently thought I was inviting him up to simply touch my mustache. Like, with his hands. But once I corrected him, he seemed to be a good sport, and even let me deliver a joke while we stood, nose-to-nose in near bro-love glory. Then we got arrested for violating Prop 8.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Matt: Like most white, 30-something comedians, I got into comedy by being really shitty at high school sports. More specifically, I was a huge comedy fag. Always have been. In the 90s, I worked primarily as an actor. I did sketch shows at a club in Austin, and would always stick around to watch stand up. During one 2-year period, I was watching 5 or so shows a week. In ‘97, I landed a role on an MTV show alongside some great comics, and I would often M.C. shows for them. I guess that organically grew into my current comedy career. Also, as an actor, my options for work were always left in others’ hands. As a comic, I can work as often as I like, whenever I like. Stand up is much more “portable” and “immediate”. I love that part of it.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Matt: I’m a storyteller. In an hour set, I tend to have just 8 or so bits. Nothing makes me more jealous than watching someone who is great at the set-up/punch form, but it’s just not something I excel in. I love, love, love short fiction and comedic non-fiction. Egger’s “Best American Non-Required Reading” series is fantastic. “McSweeney’s”. Donald Barthelme’s short stories are huge. They’re a much bigger influence than I’d like to admit. Occasionally, I’ll write what I think is a totally original take on something, only later to realize how much my sub conscience is filled with ideas that aren’t wholly mine. I have a story about rats. Barthelme wrote a great story about rats. I have a story about teaching. Barthelme wrote a great story about teaching. Am I admitting to being a hack? Maybe. Mostly, I’m just answering the question honestly. Too many times I see someone list a litany of other comedians whose work they enjoy, as opposed to someone who actually has influence over their work. Also, Paul F. Topmkins is an influence as far as “what kind of human being do I want to be?” With all of his talent and success, he seems to still put being a genuine and down-to-earth person ahead of all else. Plus, he always buys the beer.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst who you’ve ever had?
Matt: The “worst who I’ve ever had?” If that’s what you really meant, then I’d say the blonde girl in high school (whose name I can’t remember) who rubbed a hole in my Tommy Lee during a tuggie.
That’d be the worst “who” I’ve ever had. Something tells me however, that you meant, “show”.

The worst show. And that’s easy. September 12, 2001, in Slidell, LA. The day after the towers fell. I performed in front of no one essentially. The club refused to cancel the show. There were three people at one table having a great time: a dude with a stringy mullet, and two chubby gals. They were tweaked out of their minds. In talking to them from the stage, it turned out that they had been partying in a hot tub for 2 days, and had no idea we’d been attacked. Fucking clueless. After I informed them, they went into stunned silence. I still had 15 more minutes to fill. After the show was over, the club turned into a disco. Suddenly it got packed . . . with minors. Later, the lock box was confiscated, as the club hadn’t paid their liquor license fees. Only after a long discussion with the cops did I finally get paid. I went back to the “hotel” room they’d gotten me. Before I got to my door, 2 different hookers approached me. Within the hour, I heard gunshots in the parking lot, and the place filled with cops. I hopped in my car and drove to New Orleans where I knew a bar owner I could stay with. It turned out he was out of town, so his staff let me sleep on the office sofa. But they had to lock me in, and I wasn’t allowed to move much so I wouldn’t set off the motion detectors. Taste the glamor, bitches.

Paolo: How has your life changed since winning a Rusty Nail back in May? If it hasn’t changed your life, what was it like to find out that you won?
Well, my life hasn’t really changed all that much in the last two weeks. Let me explain:

The great thing about my Rusty Nail Award is that it apparently sat in the office of my home club for months before I knew about it. I literally just got the thing a few days ago. When Cap City called me to host their Comedy Caucus, they added “Oh by the way, we’ve got an award here for you. It was mailed to us, and we forgot.” So, I guess it was a bit of an unceremonious affair. It has got me wondering, though, if I might not have an Emmy, or and Oscar, or one of those huge novelty checks stuffed away in some other office out there, just waiting for the right phone calls.

Paolo: I’ve noticed a trend with comics and substitute teaching. Do you think there is a connection between the two?
Matt: I’ve not noticed it. I think you’re referring to a bit I have, but as with all of my bits, it’s pretty much rooted in fantasyland. I tend to approach my bits like a fiction writer. There am a lot of me in all of them, but they’re hardly autobiographical. I take a lot of liberties. I hate to answer the final question this way. Maybe I should just lie and make up something. Maybe I should stop assuming that you’re referring to my bit. Hey, speaking of . . . have you noticed that Rooftop has posted that same bit on the site twice? But it’s listed once as “Girl Fight”, and once by the punch line. Also, the one listed as “Girl Fight” has a 5-star rating, and the one listed as the actual punch line has a 3-star rating. I think that’s probably a good sign that jokes aren’t nearly as funny when someone knows the punch line before hearing the setup. Maybe you can get someone in the office to fix that? Sweet!

Paolo: You performed at our Aspen Comedy Festival back in May. What was that like for you?
Mike: Aspen is a beautiful town. I have been to many festivals, and I like the way that Rooftop seemed to showcase many different styles and talents. I attended so many of the shows. I also learned to play poker at this festival which has changed my life. At the poker tables nowadays, I have attitude. I don’t win, but I have attitude.

From a performers aspect, May was a very experimental time for me in comedy. I was like, “Hm, let’s try this tonight.” In the process of growth, you go through stages where you want to be at another level, and I find as I continue pursuing that you can’t ever force it. I’m glad that I was able to be a part of that festival. It helped me realize that the world is bigger than just the East and the West Coast.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Mike: I had a college speech class where everytime I hit the front of the room, the class was entertained. They loved me. Everyone smiled and anticipated the days when I was giving speeches. I was failing the speeches because the content sucked, but the delivery was giving me marks of “A’s” I was so confident that I dropped out of college and hit an open mic in downtown Sacramento. I thought I was so funny that I didn’t even have to write material. I told my homie, “I’ll just make it up when I get up there.” I saw guys studying there notes before they went on. I was like, “Losers. I guess they don’t have the magic like Winfield McNamera.” (That first night I didn’t want anyone to know my real name) We’ll it didn’t go as planned and I bombed horribly, so I dropped back in college the next day and didn’t do comedy again until three years later. That first night it was so quiet, I could hear the crickets laughing. When I eventually returned, I wrote down some ideas. It was mediocre, but good enough for me to come back a week later.

Paolo: Who are your comedic influences?
Mike: There was not a comedian who influenced me to get into comedy, but there were some standups that I loved. Eddie Murphy in RAW was the first standup comedy that I had ever saw. My cousin had it in his basement and we watched it and laughed at a bunch of stuff that we didn’t understand. I was only in junior high. The first standup that I studied was Martin Lawrence in YOU SO CRAZY. I was already a fan from his sitcom MARTIN, but the standup was hilarious. “Hey my man, give her two pieces of cheese” as he explained some of the things you do in the beginning of the relationship when you like a girl. Then there was Chris Rock who I saw in BRING THA PAIN, I was like, “Wow, I like what this guy is saying.” I sat there and compared Lawrence and Rock in awe. It was weird, because I thought one was funnier than the other, in terms or response, but there was one that I liked more. That taught me that likeability can aid in success.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Mike: Well, you know, bad shows are like big girls, we’ve all had a few, but you never hear the stories about them. Next question… No, I’ll tell you. I guess. I was doing a private gig in Ontario, Canada, and my impression was that they didn’t want material, they wanted me to freestyle. I thought that one was supposed to do that in private gigs. Well, freestyling that night was not my strong suit. I was 20 minutes into my hour and a half, thinking, “This is terrible, and I don’t know if I’m going to continue being a comedian.” They were paying me so much money, and it went so bad that I didn’t think I was going to get paid. When my manager handed me this massive amount of cash, I couldn’t help thinking, “I love comedy.” Sometimes, I feel like I owe Ontario, SOMETHING, but then it kicks in that there will be many other bad shows. In fifth grade, my cousin had a clown at her party. That clown didn’t crush. That clown didn’t rip the place apart. He or she or whatever it was bombed, but It still got paid. You know what, that Ontario show doesn’t even count, because it wasn’t a real show, it was a private gig. Forget a private gig. I’m sure someone else will go up there and tank worst, and then it will be their worst show, because its off my record. I don’t have a worst show anymore.

Paolo: Where do you think you would be without your big ass teeth?
Mike: Probably doing interviews for Rooftop. I’m joking. I can’t really say because even if I lose all the ones that I have in mouth now, I always keep an extra set in my closet that are bigger.

Paolo: Have you found your go to Chinese homey yet?
Mike: No. Every Chinese guy thinks that I am joking. Even a Chinese homegirl would be cool at this point. One day, I’ll own part of China, and things will change. I have a feeling.

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any last words to your adoring fans who would be reading this now?
Mike: Yes, for the three of you reading this right now, I’d like to say THANKYOU. I need you. I’m really wondering whats gonna happen down the line. I just walk forward with blinders on and things keep happening. If you like a clip, send it to someone that you like or hate even, so that we can work together and get more joy crackin in this lifetime. Don’t forget the “E.”

Paolo: If you say that this Election is like a reality show, what do you hope/think the season finale will be? Will it involve a game-changing twist? (Ed note, questions sent pre-election) Drew: A lot of people don’t want to admit racism still exist because it doesn’t exist in the form of the past so they are millions of Americans that don’t want a Black President but too late jump on board it’s gonna happen. This just in it did happen. There’s the big finale.

Paolo: How did you get into comedy?
Drew: I always wanted to do it, I was selling cars and turned 30 and said if I don’t try it now I never will, I went back to school got a 2yr degree in Theatre and started doing open mic’s and I found myself.

Paolo: What are your comedic influences?
Drew: I grew up in Jamaica/The Bronx so my early influences were British humor, dark, sarcastic, dry humor I love it, then the smart assness of New York, I saw SNL fell in love with it and heard Eddie Murphy on record and said that’s what I want to do and my family.

Paolo: What was the absolute worst show you ever had?
Drew: I drove a Headliner to a show at a military base and in return I would get 10 min at the top of the show, well they put me up while they were seating the people and no one was listening and just looking at me.

Paolo: If you weren’t a comic, what would you be doing?
Drew: Teaching.

Paolo: I know it’s uncommon, but how does it feel to have two first names?
Drew: I actually have three 1st names Andrew Christopher Thomas but somewhere in Junior HS I realized my initials spelled “act” I don’t think my parents knew what they were doing but it’s profound, foreshadowing at it’s best.

Paolo: And lastly, do you have any last words to your adoring fans who would be reading this now?
Drew: Thanks to everyone who enjoy my sense humor, it’s been an interesting ride so far and I look forward to whats next and how far this can go. I’m excited about it and I want fans that will ride with me to Middle Earth.