Like poking a rattle snake with a stick, we ask Troy Baxley asinine questions and hope we can keep the swelling down…

Sabrina: Valentines Day is almost here, create 3 new messages to go on those chalky pepto-colored heart candies:
Troy:
1 her
2 pes
3 you?

Sabrina: Finish this sentence “When in Rome….”
Troy: Roam around in your “WHAT STINKS?” t-shirt.

Sabrina: You are forced to choose: Fantasia 3D or Disney on Ice?
Troy: Fantasia 3D! Disney on ice just sounds morbid.

Sabrina: You have a joke on our site about creating a Home Depot for trailer parks. What are 5 items that one might find when visiting this fine fictitious establishment?
Troy: Bandana bin, black eye concealer, snuggie (with Harley Davidson logo), “Bless This Mess” kitchen placard, and “GOUT-OUTTA-HERE” brand gout relief cream.

Catch more asinine-ness from Troy “What Stinks?” Baxley on Thurs, Feb 12th at CSU/Ramskeller @ 6pm.

Ladies and gentleman, consider yourselves warned…

Sabrina: If you were to hurl an inanimate object at someone, what would it be?
Kevin: A grenade. It wouldn’t be anything personal, I’ve just always wanted to yell “Fire in the hole!”

Sabrina: If you were forced to accept payment for allowing people to punch you, where on your body would you let people sock-it-to-ya?
Kevin: It’s called deep-tissue massage.

Sabrina: Combine any two animals to form a new creature and give it a name.
Kevin: A cross between a monkey and a dragon…that lives in my apartment. Don’t have a name for it, but I smell sitcom!!!

Sabrina: Rhinestone Cowboy or Space Cowboy?
Kevin: Love Battlestar Galactica. Do not love country music. I think you know my answer.

Sabrina: Do you prefer oral thermometers or more frontier methods?
Kevin: I have a feeling my previous “Fire in the hole” comment would apply to this question as well.

Sabrina: Something that caught your eye or quickly crossed your mind while performing recently:
Kevin: While I was onstage one night, I looked down and noticed that two women in the front row had unknowingly dropped a napkin in one of the candle holders and set the table on fire. The phrase “Follow that, motherfucker!” immediately ran through my mind.

To check out Kevin’s mad comedy skills and all the comedic talents of UC Santa Barbara, grab your friends and head to UCSB/Embarcadero Hall on Tues, Feb 10^th @ 8pm.

Think you’re school is as funny as UC Santa Barbara Students? Prove it!

Go and sign-up now!

For more of Kevin “Space Cowboy” Avery, visit RooftopComedy.com or Myspace.com/savoryavery

If you enjoy reading the Wall Street Journal, then this is right up your alley, so bust out the Pellegrino.

Sabrina: If you were a sock, what kind of cut (crew, ankle, tube, etc) would you be? Why?
Grant: I would be an ankle sock because they are like the ninja of socks. They hide below the surface waited to pounce on unsuspecting critics. “Why aren’t you wearing socks?” “Haha, surprise, I’m down here!” Ankle socks are like little cotton ninjas that fight foot sweat and bad odor.

Sabrina: Can you grant us a few words (pun intended) about your chronicles with the comedy scene at UC Santa Cruz?
Grant: Yes, I can grant you a few words, and I won’t be Lyin’ (ohhhh, that’s right – a double pun). There used to exist on campus at UCSC a magical class on stand-up comedy. I took that class as a junior in 2005, and that spring after class ended I decided to produce a comedy show with a bunch of student comedians in the Barn Theater as part of BarnStorm – a student run production company. The show was terrible – way too long, too many comics, not enough audience, so I changed the format. I brought in professional comedians from the Bay Area and mixed them on the show with funny student comics from UCSC. The result was fabulous – we filled up every seat in the house and constantly turned away multitudes of people that desperately sought laughter. Though the stand-up comedy class ended several years ago, I continue to produce the Barn Theater shows several times each quarter and they continue to pack out with enthusiastic college students looking for a cheap thrill.
 
For MORE cheap thrills, and by cheap we mean abso-stinkin-lutely FREE, roll in to UC Santa Cruz/Kresge Town Hall this Thursday, Feb 5th @ 8pm.
Think you’re as funny as UC Santa Cruz kids? Visit college and prove it!

For more nipple pinching goodness from Mr. Lyon himself, visit www.grantlyon.com