I didn’t know how to go about writing this post, to be honest. I will say this though: Thank you to everybody at Rooftop Comedy. For everything. Thanks for letting me be your blog Sherpa. Thanks for the opportunity to live a pipe dream of mine.

In my stead, the very capable Chris Garcia (from leader of the Talent Institute pack fame) will be taking over the job of Community Manager.

Because I know you’re so curious, I’ll be going back to school, get some booksmarts in me. Among other things.

So, yeah. This is it. Thank you. I’ll see you around.

Check out their chosen clips below. You’ll notice jokes about Eric Bana’s native Australia, a little something from Maria Bamford (a Funny People co-star), and an off-screen cameo by Aubrey Plaza’s alter-ego Tina Tate. And more!

Eric Bana
Tony Woods – I love kangaroos

Aubrey Plaza
Jeannie Tate – Jeannie Tate stand-up

Adam Sandler
Jimmie Roulette – Near death experience in Hawaii

Lachlan Patterson – TV warnings

Leslie Mann
Maria Bamford – My co-worker hates me

Seth Rogen
Matt Braunger – New rules for porn

Well, I filed my two weeks with Rooftop Comedy on Monday. My last day here as Community Manager will be Friday July 31st.

More details to come at a later date?

The Rooftop Comedy Talent Institute: Coming for your Children

I’m telling you guys, before the Rooftop Comedy Talent Institute lets out at the end of July, I’ll probably be out of a job, after the TI stages a bloodless coup in the offices. You heard it here first.

I mean, they’re our Guest Editors for the week! I see what they’re trying to do here. Check out the picks from the Institute, and their fearless mentor, Chris Garcia below.

If you need me, I’ll be broadcasting messages of hope from my bunker out in Tracy, CA.

Max Fox:
Chad Daniels – Southern comedy sucks
Chad explains the struggle of rationalizing simple information to southern people.

Reid Faylor:
Ryan Singer – My Nemesis: Tyra Banks
I feel things inside my heart for Ryan Singer. I love any joke that can seemingly start off about rednecks and end with comments about the failures of capitalism and Harriet Tubman. Also: it’s pretty silly. Just saying, guys. Just saying.

Dave Thomason:
Janine Brito – Kids vs cats
Janine is a great comic (and good friend) from San Francisco. Go see her live and she will destroy you.

Andy Erikson:
Cy Amundson – Garage sale season
Cy Amundson is probably the funniest person in the world. Just ask him. When i started doing comedy 2 years ago, this was the first joke i ever heard him tell on stage, and i will remember it forever. It is pure genius. Thank you Cy, for making the world a funnier place. For real though, this clip is awesome!

Will Hatcher:
Tony Woods – My marriage was awful
Great marriage tips from Tony Woods.

Chris Garcia:
Mario Saenz – Rick Roll!!!! A la Mario
If you don’t laugh at 1:15, YOU HAVE NO SOUL!

This post is to inform you that episode 123 of Detention was recorded at the very same 2009 Aspen Rooftop Comedy Festival, featuring special guests:
Robert Hawkins
Chad Daniels
Dan Cummins
Daniel Kinno
J.R. Brow
Lachlan Patterson
Dylan Gadino (Punchline Magazine)

Show notes from the official website as follows:
We come to you live from the Rooftop Aspen Comedy Festival for this freeform show. Over 7 guests sit down to talk comedy, sports, movies, the impact of September 11th on dogs, and we even do a little jam band. Epsiode 123, easy as ABC.

So don’t take my word for it, but episode 123 of Detention is waiting for you!

His pick analysis as follows:
Brooks Robinson – Buying alcohol for teens
Sure, it helps that I grew up just outside of Baltimore and he shares a name with the guy who signed the baseball glove that I used all throughout my little league career. I also laughed, though, which is probably more important.

Jessi Campbell – Afraid of bears
There’s a complete set of Campbell’s on the site that also includes this routine, and it’s worth watching. But this clip is an excellent example of someone hitting the big stage and rising to the challenge by doing this bit better than she’s done it before.

Ian Bagg – Hereditary loads
Normally, I’d be reluctant to point folks to someone who bases an entire routine around the concept of self-defecation (to say nothing of what happens in the highly recommended “The Moose Investigator“). It’s Bagg’s delivery, and the way he keeps digging himself into a hole, that turns this from a cringe-inducing disaster into gold; just check out the way he blurts “Science project!” Judging from the amount of material he inspires, his dad seems even weirder, if that’s possible.

Michael Palascak – Discussing current events
I’d love to see Palascak pursue the types of trains of thought that resulted in the very odd, strangely satisfying grace note at the end. I’m also just thrilled he got there at least once.

Tim Harmston – Poker commercial parody
In which Harmston sits back and thinks, “What are the most inane things I can think to say, re: poker?,” and then says them all. Demands repeated viewings, and rewards them.

Please to enjoy!

1. Dress subtly. It’s a lot classier if you go out with your friends and have fun without the veil of condoms and the Life Saver T-shirt that advertises the “suck for a buck” opportunity. Why would guys want to give you a dollar to suck candy off of your shirt when you’re getting married in a week? It’s like paying for a sip of someone else’s beer. Better idea…get your single, hotter maid of honor to wear that shirt. You could pocket so much more cash.

2. Act like you’re no longer in the eighth grade. In other words, if the party is going to be in public, don’t have a penis theme. The 4-foot inflatable penis, the penis cake, the penis straws for your drinks, the penis tiara…all of it makes you look like you still giggle like schoolkids when someone says the word “duty”. Unless you’re a walking billboard for a new Jenna Jamison movie, don’t bother. It’s obnoxious. And finally…

3. Don’t go to a comedy club. I don’t care how much a club markets themselves as “your party headquarters”, don’t do it. Please listen to me on this one. Please don’t go to a comedy club. This cannot be stressed enough. Comedians don’t really hate bachelorette parties…rather, we abhor them. More often than not, these gaggles enter the club already drunk, and they somehow expect the show to be all about the bride-to-be. That’s obvious when the MC announces your presence, and your gaggle responds with a raucous “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” loud enough to turn off Earnhardt fans.

I will say that there is some value to your presence at the club…it’s mildly amusing to see daggers shoot out of the eyes of one gaggle if another gaggle is there at the same time. The most common mindset among gaggles is that theirs should be the only party that night and their precious penis-loving, condom-veil girlfriend should be the center of attention. The tension thickens when it’s learned that both bachelorettes have, God forbid, the same wedding day. Holy crap, that’s hilarious! It’s like the Bloods learning that the Crips are on their turf, only there’s more vicious hatred involved between drunk gaggles. And just in case you’re oblivious to another girl having the same wedding date as you, you have your trusty gaggle leader to tell you. She’s the coordinator of this little soiree and she’s almost – almost – as irritating as you.

The truth is, the comic on stage wants you to have fun, but he doesn’t care that you’re getting married, and neither do any of the paying customers. My best guess would be that some of your friends in the group don’t really give a hoot either. They’re probably there because you asked them to be a bridesmaid. Why did you need twelve bridesmaids? Most likely because some girl you knew had eleven last year. Having less than eleven would simply be less expensive and un-catty, and that’s apparently not your style.

Bad attitude on my part? Maybe. I’m writing this after a weekend in Cleveland. The comedy club there is incredible, but one night we had two gaggles show up. It’s too bad irritation can’t be measured, because I’m pretty sure I broke a record.

Here’s a sample of one of the shows:
Me: “…I got a call from my dad today. I don’t think Dad has…”
Gaggle Member: “SHE’S GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK!”
Entire Gaggle: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Me: “Okay, that’s great. So anyway, my parents are like…”
Gaggle Coordinator: “Excuse me!!! In case you didn’t hear, she’s getting married!”
Entire Gaggle: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”
Multiply that by 25 minutes and you’ve got yourself a transcript. Dear God in Heaven it was annoying. If gaggles traditionally hit the town with their bachelor party counterparts, I bet there would be lawyer vendors on the premises selling prenups.

Okay, I’m done. Thank you for letting me vent a little. It relaxes me. Just so you know, no bachelorettes were harmed in the making of this column, unfortunately. And if I have offended any of you, you can suck it. No buck required.

Action Items:
- Buy his new (Rooftop Comedy produced) album, “Everyone You Know is Going to Die…And Then You Are” on iTunes.

- Those in the San Francisco-esque area attend Moshe’s CD release party for the aforementioned album at the SF Punch Line on July 7th.

With that said, here are his picks.
Blackass
It’s like he says, everybody needs a blackass sometimes.

Jeanne Donaldson
Jeanne talks about what a lot of us…let’s face it, ALL of us, go through. The constant habitual harassment faced by the butt virgins of the world from the buttfucker community. Bill Hicks shot and missed when he tried to approach Jeanne’s level of comedic honesty and social commentary. Move over Hicks, there’s a new legend in town.

Chris Schiappacasse – You’re a whore
Sometimes, music breaks through barriers and allows the “inner cynic” to let down its guard and just laugh. That’s what “you’re a whore” is to me. And let’s face it, you ARE a whore.

Kerosene
Kerosene used to take me with him on the road to the various Improvisations and Playboy clubs around the country just like Shecky Berman used to do for him. If anyone has influenced my style directly, it’s Kerosene. Watch a master at work and try to learn something.

Moshe Kasher – A new haircut
Frankly, this guy just sucks.

The critically acclaimed series, A Tight 5ive, starring Punchline Magazine editor/dashing rogue Dylan Gadino shot some Tight 5ives in Aspen. And it is my pleasure to debut the first of what I’m sure to be a few episodes from Aspen. Two great tastes that taste great together. Now that’s what I call synergy ™.

So everybody, Ted Alexandro!