Its just another Tuesday at Rooftop Comedy.  Each member of the production team sits staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering if time could possibly pass any slower.  Then, a tired and somewhat delirious Emily Heller decides to send out an email in Medieval speak.  Boredom is averted, bursts of laughter fill the room at increasingly close intervals, and the rest my friends, is email history.

Emily H wrote:

GREETINGS from your benevolent overlord!!! The following ASPEN
clips have been programmed into this week’s episodes and need
to be produced. Can we can divide and conquer before Thursday?
Or as they said in ancient times: Thor’s day?

ALL HAIL ME
Emily
P.S. i didn’t get very much sleep last night
_______________________________________

Alex wrote:

Nah.
______________________________________________

Andy wrote:

greetings benevolent editorial lordess,
i’ll do Hawkins through Cummins.

your loyal production slave,
Andy Andyson
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

greetings from the tribe on the adjacent isle of mordecai,
i shall bestow upon you the clips of ashley through kasher.
i shall require several sacks of grain and two sheep for my work.
may the wind always fill thy sails my friend.

-Chris son of Phil of Mordecai
________________________________________

Andy wrote:

wanna trade a grain for a wood?
___________________________________

Emily H wrote:

ANDY HAS A BONER!!!!!!!!!!

Emily
_____________________________________

Sorry Andy, I need ore. Anybody wanna trade for ore??

Take care.

-Chris
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

I only have wood. Lots of wood.
____________________________________

Emily S wrote:

Betwixt the offers of wool and grain i have found it reasonable to
offer a bit of ore which i hath mined from the veins of the meager
mines of Howardshire. Promise me this: upon bestowing you with the
ore, thou shalt not forge a weapon in carelessness. Young Christopher
son of Philip of Mordecai, make your kin revel in the
righteousness of your craft, for if you disobey me you will be sent to the
gallows. Amen.

-Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

The elders proclaim that the Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
receivith this name fore no man dare lie with her longer
than two weeks, or his loins
shall harden like a fresh sword cooling in river swept waters after
having been removed from the flaming forge. Consider thyselves
warned!
__________________________________________

Alex wrote:

And thou shall declare it from the steeples and the mountain tops, the spires and the highest forest branch:

“NERDS!”
_______________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

come one come all ye young lads
and forge thy burning sword betwixt mine legs
________________________________________

Alex wrote:

EMAIL IS AMAZING!!!!
______________________________________

Chris wrote:

fellow procreators beware!  many men have forged their burning swords between the fair damsels legs, which is why the fires burn so hot!  the curse of el clapo, king of spain, hath visited our lady many times.

Take care.

-Chris

——————————————-

Valerie wrote:

Tis the truth, I hath seen her with Lord Isaac from thy castle below.
Thy fires burn!

——————————————-
Andy wrote:

Is the Hoor of Howardshire prepared for the long march to the
battle of the Fords of Arkaig????
We cannot expect to overcome the Clan of Morar without those
steaming loins!!!!

summon her at once!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

BLAST YOU ALL!!!!!!

these sacred loins possess a power you shalt fail without… Speaketh kindly of mine loins or you will all
revel in the consequences of
your actions! Issac knows not of the forgery – but if he did the
netheregions of his manhood would surely shirvel away like an earthworm trapped atop a cobblestone on a blazing summer day!!!!!

ps fuck you val
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

witch! burn her!

Take care.

-Chris
_______________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Sims did it with Isaac, I got a daguerrotype of it and shit

Emily
_______________________________________

Andy wrote:

I didn’t get the attachment.
________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Attention peons once again! This is your queen and overlord! Think not that your blaspheming and debasement has fallen on deaf ears! I hereby announce with great joy the betrothal of the Hoor of Howardshire to Lord Isaac of the lower kingdoms. Dowry was paid in full (five gallons of ox blood). The ceremony will be officiated by Sir Whiskers of the Clan of ZipZap at sunrise!

Emily
________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

I would rather drink five gallons of ox blood than consummate relations with the vile fiend you refer to as “Isaac” from the kingdom downstream.  The wench of zip zap has informed me that his phallus is quite lacking and i am confident it will not withstand the heat emanating within a 5 foot radius from my body.  This is a mistake of cosmic proportions and i request that the overlord reconsider.
__________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

The overlord does not cater with reconsiderations!!! That is without some sort of compensatory bribes… that is, an iced decaf vanilla latte from peets each day this week!!!! Sir Whiskers will stand for no less and will summon his feline wilderfriends should you fail in this!!!

Emily

p.s. ISAAC GOT A BIG DICK! I GOT A BIG PUSSY! WHO GOT A BIG PUSSY?
__________________________________________

Valerie wrote:

Who shall take the place of Sir Isaac at the Fair Lady’s betrothal?
Perhaps Sir Jester dressed as a large feline from the kingdom of Zip Zap?
_________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

I believe you are referring to Sir Whiskers…

Emily
_______________________________________

Annie wrote:

You lest not forget Duke Bubbles.

Birbiglia On stage performing "Sleepwalk With Me."

I’m a big fan of Mike Birbiglila…add to that the ridiculously awesome reviews of his one man show at the Bleecker Street Theatre in New York City, and I’m on the verge of forgoing family Christmas presents to fly 5,000 miles and get a gander at this epic union of superb stand-up comedy and theatrical genius.

The best thing about good ol’ Birbigs is that he manages to poke fun at quintessential life experiences gone awry that most of us would consider grounds for mortification.  Birbiglia is able to humble his audience by relating to them as if he were divulging his innermost secrets to a close friend.  The Associated Press commends Bribiglia’s brilliance in this coming-of-age monologue as he “spins a self-deprecating account of awkwardness, procrastination and insecurity in the face of some of life’s most serious realities.”

Directed by Tony Award-winning Nathan Lane, “Sleepwalk With Me” was manifested over a four year period of Birbiglia’s life, which included his diagnosis with REM behavior disorder, which causes him to act out his dreams with a risk of harmful consequences.  As a result, he now dozes off in a special sleeping bag that restricts his movements.  With events like these that have impacted his life in imperative ways, Birbiglia has created and anecdotal, smart, and side-splitting show that the New York Times calls “simply perfect.”

“Sleepwalk With Me” runs through Jan. 18.  If you can catch him on Dec. 10 you are in for a treat:  A post-show segment entitled “Awkward 10 Minutes with Mike,” with special guest Ira Glass, host of one of my favorite NPR shows “This American Life.”

See our exclusive interview with Mike Birbiglia for Punchline Magazine here where Mike discusses “My Secret Public Journal,” his start in comedy, and “Sleepwalk With Me.”

Check out the official site of “Sleepwalk With Me“.

Love/Hate Father’s Day weekend? Take a trip over to our website and check out the featured Father’s Day clips that will be up all weekend. These non-conventional daddies have great rants about their less-than-perfect wee ones, and fatherhood in general.

Ahh yes, it’s that time of year again. The third weekend in June when we commemorate the love we foster for our fathers – and why shouldn’t we? Dads rule. Dads paid for all the diapers we pooped in before we were potty trained. Dads read us bedtime stories and showed us how to use the “channel changer” to the TV so we could find the shows that had bullets and octane when we got home from elementary school. Dads are the ones we have to thank for our parents’ cabinets overflowing with embarrassing images from adolescent awkwardness that haven’t seen the sun since the day they were developed. Father’s Day is a yearly reminder of all the awesome and horrible things you learned from your dad, and for this he deserves your utmost thanks and praise.

Personally, my favorite part of Father’s Day is trying to figure out what the heck to get my dad. I was browsing on the internet when I came across a site with great recommendations for dads – An iron in the shape of an elephant that brands your steaks with the symbol of the Republican party, a universal remote twice the size of my face, and a pair of slippers with headlights on the front for those times when your dad’s overactive bladder just can’t make it through the night without a pitch-black trip to the pisser. The best part is, these are gifts that my dad would probably be stoked on. The worst part is, they’re over my budget… that, and there’s no way in hell I could justify purchasing said items in public.

If you really want to give your Pop-Pop an original gift this year, try a greeting card. The long-lost art of self-expression could use a little lovin’, and so could your dear old dad. Yeah sure, plasma TVs at wild discounts and BBQ aprons with custom graphics are cool, but if you really want to show you’re appreciation for your dad, what better way to do it than by actually telling him. Don’t let our consumer culture overshadow the real meaning of Father’s Day. Add some sentimentality to your relationship with your dad instead of adding to your mounting credit card debt.

Alright guys, I can see where you’re coming from. Your love for dick jokes overshadows any desire for a solid joke about a vagina. OH MY GOD, yeah I said it, VAGINA. I’m not going to say I don’t like a good dick joke every now and then, but the ratio of dick-to-vagina jokes is seriously skewed. What you need is a little perspective on how girls are taught to think and behave with elegant obedience, and a great way to do this would be by watching a movie packed with a sweet-n-sour punch. Its a documentary about an all-girls rock camp entitled Girls Rock!

This movie is quite possibly the most hilarious and enlightening movie I’ve seen all year. It focuses on five girls, some of whom are musically inclined and others whom are not. The mission: over a five-day period at Girls Rock Camp in Portland, OR the girls form bands with other campers and write a song that will be performed on the sixth day. My two favorite participants are heavy-metal rock singer Palace, age 8, and Sonic Youth-inspired guitarist Am, age 10. These girls are dead serious about their music, especially Am, who has dedicated 14 tracks of feedback and what she describes as “negative riffs” dedicated to her dog Pippi. These girls don’t give a hoot what you think, and if you tell them otherwise, they will punch you in the face. In fact, Palace does end up punching another girl in the face for objecting to a blood-curdling lead-in of “ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!?!” to their song.

I was laughing my ass off at these girls the entire movie. It is really refreshing to see young girls who aren’t out there wanting to skank it up and are active in rejecting female stereotypes. Yes, there are some corny parts where the girls talk about themselves and what it means to be a girl, but you can power through those scenes. The humor of this movie comes from its inherent truth, and every comedian knows that the funniest jokes are the ones that are based on truths. I encourage all you guys and gals to get out there and watch Girls Rock! I guarantee you will be needing to change your panties and/or boxer-briefs afterwards.