By Comedian Sean Keane

San Francisco 10, Chicago 6

Matt Millen, the worst executive in NFL history, was the perfect announcer for this shit sandwich game. For a close contest, it was remarkably lacking in drama, or competence. Here’s a sequence from the end of the game: Clinging to a four-point lead with four minutes to go, the 49ers had to convert a 3^rd-and-3. QB Alex Smith was flushed from the pocket, and forced a wobbly shovel pass to Michael Robinson, who fell down. Luckily, no Chicago defender was nearby, so he was able to roll forward for the first down. Then Robinson went out of bounds, stopping the clock unnecessarily. The 49ers inched the ball forward to the Chicago 34, and then punted deep into the end zone, for a touchback and a gain of 14 yards of field position. The Bears’ subsequent drive featured five penalties and an interception in the end zone. After the game, Time Warner decided not to add the NFL Network to its cable packages, ever.

Alex Smith won his first game since September of 2007, when Hillary Clinton was the presidential front-runner. “The Brave One” had just knocked off “3:10 to Yuma” as box-office champ.  America’s top song was “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” Lehman Brothers was still a year away from bankruptcy, and one day earlier, Michael Crabtree racked up 244 yards and three touchdowns in just his third collegiate game. Smith is due for another victory in late December of 2011, which will be his last before the Mayan apocalypse brings about the end of the NFL and the rest of life as we know it.

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Posted: November 18th, 2009 under Sports.
Comments: 2

By Comedian Sean Keane

It was an unusually high-quality week for NFL football in Week 9. The Redskins were the most depressing this week, though the Raiders, Bills, Rams, and Browns had a bye, making them look even worse. Now that these teams are back, we’re again subjected to Brady Quinn versus Derek Anderson, the lowest-quality quarterback controversy since Joey Harrington battled with Jeff Garcia, and Coach Tom Cable’s inevitable journey toward anger management counseling, alcohol rehab, and a one-on-one meeting with Dr. Drew. The Colts and Saints stayed undefeated, the Ravens are looking like the best team to miss the playoffs, and Thursday Night Football could not have a less inspiring game to kick off its season. To the games!
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Posted: November 10th, 2009 under Sports.
Comments: 4

Listen to W. Kamau Bell and Kevin Avery’s triumphant return to the world of podcast as they review “Michael Jackson: This Is It”,  “Paranormal Activity”, and list the 5 best rapper’s of all time. Spoiler Alert: Bubba Sparks  is #5.

Do yourself a favor, and subscribe to Siskel and Negro on iTunes here!.

Posted: November 10th, 2009 under Reviews.
Comments: none

By Comedian Sean Keane

Brett Favre returned to Lambeau Field, the New York-Philadelphia rivalry spread to the gridiron, and Cleveland’s season actually got sadder. There was no Sunday Night Football, ostensibly because of the World Series, but realistically, it’s because Bob Costas has to get a chemical peel and synthesize a new toupee every year at mid season. The NFC West is terrible, the NFC East is suddenly wide open, and while half of the AFC North had a bye week, the Ravens played with the strength of four teams against Denver. Meanwhile, Cleveland was about as dominant as the Gimp from “Pulp Fiction.” To the games!

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Posted: November 3rd, 2009 under Sports.
Comments: 3

By Comedian Sean Keane

It was a bad week to be an underdog in the NFL. Last week, the Raiders were 14-point underdogs at home, and pulled a huge upset. This week, the Raiders lost by 38 at home.  Favorites brought down the hammer, only three underdogs covered, thousands of multi-team parlays paid off, and bookmakers all over Vegas got murdered.  And by “murdered”, I mean, beaten with baseball bats and dumped into shallow graves in the desert, all because there’s no point spread high enough for a game featuring the St. Louis Rams.  Betting on Tampa, Cleveland, St. Louis, or Tampa? Fuhgeddaboudit.
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Posted: October 28th, 2009 under News'n'stuff.
Comments: 4

By Comedian Sean Keane

New Orleans and New England ran up the score in huge victories, and the Eagles and Jaguars ran up their fans’ blood pressure in an exciting weekend of NFL action. The Jets ran for a ton of yardage in a loss, the Titans ran into a snowstorm and an offensive buzzsaw in New England, and the Redskins are trying to run their head coach out of town.  In addition, field goals were made and missed seemingly at
ran-dom, and a fourth-down stop by Cleveland against Pittsburgh was overruled by a referee’s decision worthy of election officials in I-ran.

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Posted: October 20th, 2009 under Ruminations, theorizations and stuff.
Comments: 3

Interview by Chris Garcia

Andy Wood’s life is probably best summed up by a quote he remembers hearing come out of the mouth of the trophy-stepmother of a friend of his back in fourth grade: “That boy thinks too much.”

Evidently he doesn’t think enough about practical things, though, which is why his engineering career has gone by the wayside in favor of comedy. An alumnus of the Bumbershoot Arts Festival and the Portland Amateur Comedy Competition, Andy is also one of the founders of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, one of the best stand up comedy festivals in the country.

Andy took a break from his busy schedule to speak to us about his latest project, helping out with The Bentzen Ball, a stand up comedy festival which takes place in Washington DC Thursday-Sunday of this week.

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Posted: October 19th, 2009 under Interview.
Comments: 1

By Comedian Sean Keane

It was a great week for undefeated teams who haven’t played anyone good yet, and a bad week for teams who play next to the Great Lakes. Fans in Denver began making plans for the playoffs, while fans in the Bay Area made plans to purchase the Direct TV Season Ticket package after watching the local teams lose by a combined score of 89-17. Miles Austin and a punter named Zastudil both got game balls, and a fly ball hit Matt Holliday in the balls, which doesn’t have anything to do with football but should never, ever be forgotten because it was hilarious. To the games!

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Posted: October 13th, 2009 under News'n'stuff.
Comments: 6

By Comedian Sean Keane

It was a Sunday of blowouts and bum fights in the NFL, with mismatches turning into lopsided victories.  Good teams took care of business, and most of the close games featured pitiful, unwatchable teams. When the lead story on SportsCenter is about plantarfasciitis, you know it wasn’t a fasciinating weekend for football.

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Posted: October 6th, 2009 under News'n'stuff.
Comments: 1

Photo by Sandee O.

Interview by Chris Garcia.

I remember watching Steve Martin’s Wild and Crazy Guy on a crinkly VHS tape, while sitting on my parent’s bedroom floor. I was just a little fat kid at the time. My parents were at work, as they often were, and my older sister, my only sibling, had just married her high school sweetheart and moved two miles away.

I lived in a lonely latchkey world of Eggos and Legos and sitcoms and cable tv. My surrogate parents were the Huxtables. My siblings were Pee Wee Herman, Weird Al, and ALF. My best friend: laughter. It was my security blanket, my safety net, and my secret weapon. And when I wasn’t watching people creating laughter on tv, I was creating it myself. I’d dress up in my dad’s clothes and fall down a flight of stairs, blast arm pit farts, run around with my weiner out. I’d do anything to get a laugh. I was that kid.

So there I was, a little lonely clown huddled in front of the Magnavox, watching this man in a white suit with a fake arrow through his head play the banjo in front of thousands of people. I remember thinking to myself, “This guy is just like me! The type of guy that runs into his room, grabs a bunch of props, and starts running around to make people laugh. I’m a wild and crazy guy, too!”

And so my obsession Steve Martin began. I memorized his albums, watched all of his movies, stayed up to watch him on SNL, read ‘Cruel Shoes‘. Twice.

I loved this man. I started emulating him. I’d dress up in a suit for Thanksgiving and recreated scenes from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and the Jerk for my family. I even put talcum powder in my hair so I’d look more like him. I’d break into the “wild and crazy guys” voice and get sudden bouts of “happy feet.” I wanted to be this man, because he was silly and smart like me, and he made everyone around him so happy.

Not until years later would I realize, that this guy was lonely, too, and that being funny is how some people react to the world, and that laughter is the glue that holds it together.

I, along with a few other writers, had the great pleasure of speaking with Steve over the phone from his Los Angeles home the other day. He has a new banjo record out and a tour he’s promoting, but I managed to sneak in some comedy related questions. He was as nice and thoughtful as I imagined him to be, and, of course, very funny.

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Posted: October 1st, 2009 under Interview, News'n'stuff.
Comments: 14