HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 2
10 years and eight movies later, the Harry Potter saga is over. I did some research and found out that the series did, in fact, make about 14 gagillionjillion dollars.
But most importantly, Hermoine turned out really, really hot.
Though some saw it as a cash crab, WB and the filmmakers decided to split the second film in half in order to get as much of the book in the film as possible, which is something I very much welcome. Sure, they get way more money now, but also, we get two very good films. Someday, when they get released as one movie, it’ll be an epic 4.5 hours of movie watching. Also, an epic 4.5 hour erection over Hermoine. Seriously, have you seen her lately. Talk about a curse. On my wiener.
You’ve probably seen the film or heard about it, but for those who don’t have erections about Hermoine, in this film, Harry faces Voldemort for the final time. But before that, he must destroy all the Horcruxes. There are seven total, all containing a part of Voldemort’s soul. Luckily, one of those isn’t Hermoine. Because she is hot and I’d hate for her to have to die.
It’s a 130 minute film, about 100 of those being action. It is truly fantastic how it all comes together. Neville Longbottom who, if I can say so, truly grew into his very British face to become kind of hot (but not hot like Hermoine. I mean, I like girls. Not boys. Not boys named Neville. Stop it, erection!), shows up in a big way as the de facto leader of the Hogwarts students while our group of three have been searching for Horcruxes. When they arrive, they devise a plan to take over the school from Snape, who is now running it after killing Dumbledore. Also, Hermoine is there. And hot and stuff. She even has boobs now. And an age that is legal.
Alan Rickman as Snape is the best part of this entire series. The guy truly can play evil and be kind at the same time. When Harry learns what Snape has done for him, it is truly heartbreaking for both characters. Rickman shines through this film, which is very hard to do with the likes of Michael Gambon as Dumbledore, Ralph Fiennes as Lord Voldemort and Emma Watson as the super fucking hot Hermoine.
It is obvious, I loved the film. You should definitely see it. It is truly an accomplishment that these films remained this good over the decade they were in production. It’s a lesson in storytelling and love that author JK Rowling turned over her baby, the Harry Potter saga, to these filmmakers, to bring into fruition. Of course, you can always have the argument that the book is better, but that is a ridiculous argument. Books and movies are completely different media outlets. Books have the time to explore indefinite side stories and characters. Movies have about 2.5 hours, if they are lucky. Movies have to sacrifice and Steve Kloves, who adapted all of them, did the best job possible. There will always be things left out that I wish weren’t (for example, the way Voldemort meets his demise in the books is way cooler than in the movie), but those are pointless arguments.
Besides, books are stupid. Unless they have photos of Hermoine in them. Hot photos. So, so hot.