A favorite on The Late Show with David Letterman, Nick Griffin brings a brand of comedy that is dry, cranky, and hilarious. His new album, Bring Out the Monkey, showcases Nick’s signature style of wit and explains why he has absolutely no sympathy for Brad Pitt’s penis. Rooftop caught up with Nick over email to hear how straight men show affection and why MTV Cribs won’t be calling him any time soon.

Rooftop Comedy: You’ve appeared on Letterman several times. Are there any memorable anecdotes from your late night appearances?

Nick Griffin: Not a one, except I’m always sure that I am going to throw up or unload in my pants the second after Letterman calls my name.

RT: How do you prepare for late night appearances?

NG: I do the set as much as I can, maybe twenty or thirty times in the last two weeks before I am on the show. I also tape the set and then listen to it over and over as I’m walking around town. I write it out word for word a couple of times too. I’m a comic. I’m insecure. I’m sure If I don’t do all that shit, I’ll forget the order of the jokes the night I perform.

RT: When you’re performing on Letterman, do you find yourself instinctively wanting to grab a mic?

NG: Only the one in my pants.

RT: That’s some snazzy artwork on your new album cover.

NG: Isn’t it amazing?! My friend did it. He’s a fantastic painter. His name is Alexander Schaefer.

RT: Some of your fellow comedians have called you everything from a “gay James Dean” to “the worst rapper ever”. Where do you find such great friends?

NG: They attack because they love me. It’s how straight men show affection.

RT: On a related note, do you think Ardie Fuqua is underestimating your potential as a rapper?

NG: I trust Ardie’s instincts regarding my rap talents.

RT: On your blog, there’s a video tour of your accommodations while on the road. Do you ever get tired of living such a glamorous life?

NG: A few years back I was sitting at the bar in the comedy club I was working and this guy who I have to believe was an aspiring comic came up to me and asked what it was like doing stand up for a living. I told him it was a total fucking nightmare. And it is. Ask anyone who’s toured for more than ten years. The performing is a thrill and a challenge. The rest of it is too hard. So much alone time with a half ass brain. You can’t believe the things it says to me. But the truth is I wouldn’t do anything else in the world.

RT: Have the people from MTV Cribs called you yet?

NG: Unfortunately no. They probably heard that I’m the worst rapper ever.

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