FALL MOVIE PREVIEW
The summer is over, and it was kind of disappointing. There weren’t many awesome movies released. Inception was the best film. Oddly enough, August held three of my favorite summer films (August is usually the end of summer movie season and the beginning of the dumping ground that is crappy movies) with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, The Other Guys, and The Expendables (yeah, yeah, say what you want, but seeing old dues blow shit up and kill people is entertaining.)
Now, we come to Fall. Will it be as bad as the summer? Eh, I don’t know. So far, there isn’t much out there that seems interesting. But maybe, just maybe, something will come through as a good reason to spend your hard earned money to go to the theatre.
I’m Still Here (the 10th) – Remember when Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, became super annoying, didn’t shave, rapped poorly, and acted like he was on drugs? Well it was all for a fake documentary! I can’t wait to re-live those moments of annoyance again. Pass.
Resident Evil: Afterlife (the 10th) – I have yet to see one Resident Evil movie. But these keep getting made so there has to be an audience out there. In this one, Milla Jovovich kills zombie-like things, which I think happens a lot in the first three films. In other news, I’m not sure if Jovovich is hot.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (the 24th) – Oliver Stone brings us a sequel we really didn’t care to see. I should write some sort of synopsis here but I really, really just don’t care. I might see it because I like Shia LeBeouf. Yeah, I said it. I like him. Fight me, I dare you (please don’t. I’m a pussy.)
The Social Network (the 1st) – A movie about Facebook? Sounds kind of lame. Directed by David Fincher of Fight Club fame? All right, I’ll see it. A great marketing campaign has made this film even more interesting. I can’t wait to see it and comment about it on Facebook! OMG SO META!
Jackass 3-D (the 15th) – I hate 3D and wish it were dead… after this film. Whoever’s idea this was is a genius. The Jackass films might, just might, kill the 3D craze by abusing it with horrific and gross gags. What fluids will fly at my face during this film? Find out in October!
Saw 3-D (the 31) – Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Due Date (the 5th) – Director Todd Phillips (The Hangover) + Robert Downey Jr + Zach Galifianakis = magic. Could this be a modern day Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? That film is a classic. If it is half that, it’ll be hilarious. It’s nice to see a comedy released in the fall. Usually, comedies are left to the spring or summer. Also, did I mention Galifianakis is a comedy gold mine?
For Colord Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf (the 5th) – What the fuck Tyler Perry? I go to movies to watch, not to read your long titles.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1 (the 19th) – Watch the trailer for the first film, then this film. It is amazing how far these movies have come. This looks to be a fantastic end to the ride that is Harry Potter. That last sentence sounds like I want to ride Harry Potter. Which I don’t. Or do I? Mystery!
Black Swan (the 1st) – Darren Aronofsky makes a film about ballerinas. But more importantly, stars Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis kiss in it. Now, you might think I am being a jerk by not focusing on the film’s beautiful cinematography and fantastic acting displayed in the trailer, but you know what, I know. I am a jerk. And my exploding erection cannot be stopped.
TRON: Legacy (the 17th) – Daft Punk will make this movie awesome, I promise you. I’ve never seen the first one, but if this is a two-hour long Daft Punk music video, it’ll be the best movie ever. Also, Olivia Wilde is in it. And no, I don’t care about her looks. I care about her super hot and sexy acting. Her ridiculously attractive acting. Her sweet, well-exercised acting.
True Grit (the 25th) – The Coen Brothers are back with a remake of the 1969 western. I hope it is good. I love the original. But, I worry because this is being released on Jesus’ birthday and I bet he already has a lot of party plans. I guess I can go the next day.