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It’s hard to think that there are only four more hours left of this show. What else am I going to do on Tuesday nights? Masturbate? Watch Glee? Well, maybe both, I don’t know. But whatever I do, it will involve tears (which actually make masturbating a little better).

This episode of LOST was quite fantastic and the entire time, you felt like things were starting to wrap up. We’ve been waiting for quite a while for this moment. We were told there was a war coming and we are right at the footsteps of that war.

I’ll try to recap to the best of my ability, but it’ll probably feel all over the place because this episode was literally all over the damn place.

On island, we have Jack and Flocke meeting for the first time. Flocke wants to leave and made a pretty compelling case, which got him to thinking. Meanwhile, Sawyer is planning on making an escape. Then, Widmore’s people come and threaten Flocke, demanding the return of Desmond (BROTHA!) Flocke sends crazy Sayid to do this.

At the well, Desmond talks to Sayid and asks him what he’ll say to the woman he loves when she comes back. Will she tell her that he betrayed his friends and killed people for her? We are lead to believe that Sayid killed Desmond, but we don’t see it on screen. This leads to my conclusion that the BROTHA DIDN’T KILL THE BROTHA!

Also, I think producers know that fans love it when Desmond says “brotha” so now he does it all the time. This would bother me if his voice did not tickle my balls. I mean women’s vaginas. And my balls.

So Sawyer tells Jack to bring Sun, Hurley, and Lapidus with him when they escape. He does, but Jack has second thoughts. Jack and Sawyer argue, with Jack saying that if Flocke wants them to leave, then they shouldn’t and Sawyer saying he’s tired of staying on the island. The argument ends with Jack jumping off the boat (right at the front, which makes me think he’s lucky the boat didn’t hit him. Not smart, Jack. Not smart).

Sawyer and gang dock on Hydra Island. Widmore’s men come out, as does Jin. Jin sees Sun. Sun sees Jin. They run for each other. The whole time I’m thinking “OH GOD, PLEASE SAY THE PILONS ARE OFF SO THEIR BRAINS DON’T EXPLODE!” Well luckily, they are. Then Widmore’s men turn on them and force them to surrender. Shit! Then Widmore fires a rocket at the beach where Jack just swam up to and met Flocke. Double shit! Jack flies through the air and Flocke saves him. Triple shit! Maybe. Was Jack killed and Flocke saved him, ergo, taking over his soul? I hope not.

Meanwhile, in the sideways-flash, Sun and Locke are brought into the hospital and Sun freaks out, recognizing him. But nothing comes of it. Nice cocktease, LOST.

Desmond so happens to run into Claire and he asks her to get a lawyer before putting her baby up for adoption. He has to really sell the idea, but she says yes. And who is the lawyer? Iliana! And she’s not exploded into thousands of pieces (and she cleans up well, damn!) Why was Desmond so adamant about this? Well, because Jack was on his way. See, Iliana was his father’s lawyer and Desmond wanted the half bro and sis to meet. But Jack cannot stay long, because he needs to operate on Locke.

Oh yeah, Sawyer arrests Sayid.

As I said, there was a lot that went on tonight. It’s all getting really, really exciting. What is Widmore’s plan? Why did he betray Sawyer? And was Jack really killed or am I looking into that too much? He never seemed dead, but it was odd how Flocke was smiling and saying “You’re with me now.” Unfortunately, there is a re-run next week, a clip show about the Oceanic flight.

And this leads me to my next point: clip shows are lazy writing. Seriously, the network is paying for pointless episodes. I use to think Scrubs was one of the best comedies because they never did a clip show. But guess what? They went and did a clip show and ruined that thought (they also kept going after season four, but that’s a different story). The Office even did a clip show this season. It’s just lazy. I get that people need breaks, but just have a damn re-run. Or better yet, give young writers a chance to write an episode. It can be one that is not that important, just fun. For example, instead of a LOST clip show, I’d write an episode where I slept with every woman on the show. For Scrubs, I would have written a clip show where I slept with Elliot and Carla the entire episode, while Turk and JD danced around in the background. And for the Office, I would have written an episode where I slept with Pam and Jim. There is a theme, I know, but you have to admit: it’s better than a clip show.


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