by Mark Potts

This is It
I hypothesize that, if you crunched all the numbers, added some, divided some, multiplied others and even subtracted a few, then Michael Jackson’s death was the most profitable business venture to date. Seriously, whoever edited this film deserves an award because it was shoved out as quickly as a fat baby from a desperate mother. It is an interesting watch only to see a Michael Jackson that wasn’t super creepy, but one who was still an awesome performer and truly cared about the concert-going experience. Go buy a copy and continue to whore out his memory!

SAW VI
I hate the Saw series. Moving on…

Little Ashes
Robert Pattison plays Salvador Dalí in this artsy film that no one saw. To be honest, I never saw it, but I did see the pictures online where you see Pattison’s pubes. Then I imagined my sister looking at those same pictures and my penis inverted.

Surrogates
I think Bruce Willis needs to step back and think about the films he is doing. If he gets a script and it involves him shooting at people, he needs to toss it out. Unless it’s another Die Hard film. My God I want another Die Hard.

DVD OF THE WEEK: I Heart Jonas
Drinking game! Every time there is canned laughter, take a shot. But make sure you’re shooting water because you’d die otherwise.

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