Live from The Aspen Rooftop Comedy Festival… two guys that “usually don’t drink” – “drink”, and the results are hilarious! Peep it.
Posted: September 30th, 2009 under A Tight 5ive, Aspen Rooftop Comedy Festival.
Comments: 20
By Comedian Sean Keane
It was a banner day for Sean-variant names in the NFL this week. LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson each scored touchdowns for Philadelphia. Shawntae Spencer intercepted a pass for the 49ers. Knowshon Moreno rushed for 90 yards and a touchdown for the Broncos. And Marshawn Lynch was still suspended, so he didn’t have to watch the Bills get trounced by New Orleans. Without further digress-sean, let’s get recapping a sensaseanal week in the NFL.
Posted: September 29th, 2009 under Ruminations, theorizations and stuff.
Comments: 4
by Lance Gould
As they usually do in the autumn, most of the heads of the world’s countries came to the United States last week to address the United Nations. There was the usual mix of terrifying white guys and terrifying people of color. Sadly, Gabonese dictator Omar Bongo — long the head of state with (to immature Westerners) the planet’s most ridiculously amusing name — was not among them, as a result of his having passed away three months earlier.
Posted: September 29th, 2009 under Guest Editors, News'n'stuff.
Comments: none
Even though he’s a “serious journalist” with a “masters degree” from “Columbia,” Lance Gould knows “the funny.” As the editor of the award-winning alt-weekly, The Boston Phoenix, Lance could spend his days making simpering writers dance at the crack of his verbal whip, but, instead, he wiles away the hours perfecting vaudevillian puns and daydreaming about that stand-up career in the Catskills that could have been…
Lance jumped at the chance to guest edit for Rooftop [and i jumped at the chance to edit my former editor, and exact my revenge! - SFA] and we’re pleased as a donkey punch that, besides giving us his kick-ass stand-up picks, Lance will be doing some guest blogging this week, too. He writes good.
But first, the picks!
Posted: September 28th, 2009 under Guest Editors.
Comments: 3
In a shameless attempt at taking over the blogosphere, Rooftop posts keywords and phrases derived today’s top ten searches on Yahoo. Who knew that trying to crack the magical Internet code of the Jonas Brothers could be so hilarious?
Without further ado, here’s our third stab at becoming the MOST POPULAR BLOG IN THE WORLD:
1) College Football: #2 Ranked Texas Longhorns 64-7 win over University of Texas El Paso last weekend was the biggest blow out in NCAA college football history since USC beat ITT Tech 5000-0 in September of 2002.
2) Yosemite National Park: In an attempt to spread their brand name, Axe cologne recently tried to buy the rights to one of America’s greatest landmarks and rename it “Axe Cologne presents: Brosemite National Park.”
3) William Safire: The greatest pen name since Amethyst Wango Tango Magucci.
4)Dexter: Spoiler alert: Rosebud is a sled.
5) Khloe Kardashian: Rich, famous, AND talentless? Khloe Kardashian is one lucky dude.
6) 2016 Olympics: Obama is making a push to host the 2016 Olympics in Chicago. Glenn Beck is pushing for 1940′s Germany.
7) Megan Fox: I feel bad for anyone named Megan Fox that isn’t actually “THE” Megan Fox. It must be so disappointing to meet her.
Friend A: “Hey, I want you meet my friend Megan Fox.”
Friend B: “WHAT?!?!!? THE MEGAN FOX?!”
Friend A: Oh, no. Not that Megan Fox. This Megan Fox.
Friend B. Ugh.
8) Palm Pre: Anyone that buys this phone over an iPhone or a Gphone is a Pretard.
9) Phillipines:To donate to the Plood Releip: click here.
10) Roman Polanski: I wonder if he’s received R Kelly’s thank you card yet?
Posted: September 28th, 2009 under The Most Popular Blog in the World.
Comments: 3
Chris Fairbanks left the scenic comfort of Big Sky Country Montana a few years ago for the big city lights of Los Angeles, California, and he’s never looked back. In a relatively short amount of time, he’s performed at the Montreal Just for Laughs Comedy Festival, starred in two reality television shows, earned first runner-up in Comedy Central’s Laugh Riots Contest, and appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Last Comic Standing, and Premium Blend. Not too shabby for a country boy.
Chris took a moment to talk to us about his upcoming live album, which he’ll be recording for Rooftop Comedy Records on Wednesday, September 30th and Thursday, October 1st at the The Punchline Comedy Club in San Francisco, Ca.
ROOFTOP: What can we expect from your new album, my man?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: Mostly funny jokes, a few stories about my life, three awkward moments, one really sad moment, and of course, a lot of keytar driven jazz-metal fusion.
ROOFTOP: Walk us through the process of creating your upcoming album. Did you get to point in your act when you decided, “Man, my act is really tight right now, I need to get this down on tape”, or did you set a goal to record an album by a certain date, and work towards making that happen?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: I never wanted to, or put pressure on myself to “drop” an album. I only started thinking about doing it when people started asking for one after shows. It’s definitely high time though, I’ve been doing this for over ten years and have yet to record. I’ve tried in the past, but a large part of my act is often unscripted and I rarely just stick to my jokes. I’d like to, but my brain always takes my mouth on little detours. I’d like my CD to just be of my material, so I’m going to try to curb the improvisation a little bit for this recording.
ROOFTOP: So, how have you been preparing for the recording?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: The only way to prepare is to perform as much as possible, and that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve seriously gone up about 25 times in the last month.
ROOFTOP: Of all the clubs in the country, why did you pick the San Francisco Punchline to record your album? Of all the labels, why Rooftop?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: Well, I only know of three comedy labels that even exist, and Rooftop approached me first, which kind of made it easy. I think with anyone else, I’d be completely on my own with any kind of promotion, and self promotion has never been my strong suit. The Punchline in San Francisco is undeniably one of the best in the country, and Rooftop is able to record there, so that was that. I’ve actually never really hit it out of the park there, which is good. I think the crowds there are pretty smart and savvy and you need to sort of earn their laughs – they don’t just hand them over. Knowing this will make me work harder to have a better set because I always like to do well at that club.
ROOFTOP: Aside from being a hilarious comedian, you’re also quite the artist. Will you be doing the artwork for your record?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: Yes, for either the front or back cover, I drew up a keytar smashing through a brick wall. It looks like an Iron Maiden rock concert t-shirt had a baby with a Pink Floyd album cover, but the baby was born with an interest in hip-hop and techno, disappointing both of its parents. Does that make sense? Also, I just had some amazing photos taken by Robyn Von Swank with some smoke machines and crazy lighting. I very well may use one of those as the cover. I’m oiled up and naked in a few of them.
ROOFTOP: Do you have any interest in showing your artwork anywhere other than www.chrisfairbanks.com? Any plans on releasing a book or showing your work at a gallery?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: First of all, my new website is “dropping” in like a month. As far as a book, I’ve been thinking about writing/drawing a graphic novel illustrating my jokes and stories. The only obstacle with that has been my laziness. In order to get something like that published, it has to be at least 150-200 pages, which would take me a year at least. My drawings are just too detailed. I think that’s something I’ll do when and if I take a break from stand up. Just in general, I plan on painting a little more. We’ll see about a gallery. My past experience has been, it takes more time and hustle than with stand up to be a successful artist, so I’ve laid off it in the past couple years to focus on comedy. But it’s been my dream to have those two things intersect.
ROOFTOP: Once the record is in the can, what’s next for Chris Fairbanks?
CHRIS FAIRBANKS: Now I’ve gotta book some road gigs so I can sell the thing. I’ve kinda been flying solo with that lately. A few months ago, I had pneumonia for weeks and it made me crazy. One night, in a fit of sweaty fever dreams, I fired my manager, agent and girlfriend all within an hour. None of them were working hard enough. So, for better or worse, I’m dealing with a clean slate for getting my own gigs, and I feel like it’s for the better. But, I miss the girlfriend.
Buy tickets to see Chris record his awesome new album here!
Posted: September 28th, 2009 under Cool stuff from Rooftop Comedy, Interview, Shows.
Comments: none
Singer-Songwriter. Über Geek. Work Horse. Funny Man. Loving Father… all phrases that describe web phenom Jonathan Coulton. Don’t take our word for it, though, listen to any one of his eight full length albums, and you’ll agree: DUDE. IS. AWESOME.
Jonathan took a moment away from his grueling performance schedule to speak to us about his comedic and musical influences, what it was like to ditch his Yale degree to pursue a musical comedy career, and what it’s like to be best friends with a fellow nerdcore celebrity.
Posted: September 25th, 2009 under Interview.
Comments: 6
In this corner, weighing in at approximately 185 lbs, give or take 15 depending on the girth of his mangina…MICHAEL IAN BLACK!
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
And in THIS corner, weighing in at approximately 175 lbs, pussy included…MICHAEL SHOWALTER!!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s your turn to weigh in! Awaken your inner Don King and tell us…WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT?
Posted: September 24th, 2009 under Who Would Win in a Fight?.
Comments: 20
Attention football fans! Comedian Sean Keane has joined forces with Rooftop Comedy to bring you “NFLOL”, a weekly recap of NFL football so funny your jock will itch.
NY Jets 16, New England Patriots 9
It was a good day for people who hate asshole fans from Boston, but a bad day for people who hate douchebag fans from New York. Tom Brady is now 1-2 in his last three full games. After a disastrous game, he’ll have to console himself by fucking his supermodel wife or
napping on a mattress stuffed with hundred dollar bills.
New Orleans Saints 48, Philadelphia Eagles 22
If you want to keep Philadelphia fans from booing Donovan McNabb,
the solution is to let them watch Kevin Kolb play once a year. Andy
Reid hasn’t seen a beating like this since he visited his sons in
jail. Meanwhile, Drew Brees has been the anti-Kolb all year, throwing
nine touchdown passes in two weeks. Have opposing cornerbacks been
making fun of his birthmark?
San Francisco 49ers 23, Seattle Seahawks 10
Frank Gore’s two long TD runs and the team’s 2-0 start has 49er fans
thinking about the semi-glory years of Garcia-to-Hearst, and dreaming
about losing in the first round of the playoffs.
Arizona Cardinals 31, Jacksonville Jaguars 17
Jacksonville’s leading rusher was Maurice Jones-Drew, and their
leading receiver was Mike Sims-Walker. This tells me that the team
needs to recruit some playmakers who were raised by both parents. The
Jags were so bad in the first half that Jacksonville native Fred Durst
called it, “the worst performance I’ve ever seen – and we toured with
Staind.”
Houston Texas 34, Tennessee Titans 31
This game might as well have been played on Madden: Tennessee had
touchdowns of 57, 69, and 91 yards, while Houston had 72- and 29-yard
touchdown passes within a minute of each other. The game ended when
Kerry Collins fumbled the ball, untouched, which also looked like a
computer-forced error. Jeff Fisher is tempted to “reset” his
entire season after two home losses.
Washington Redskins 9, St. Louis Rams 7
DC fans booed the ‘Skins for only beating the wretched Rams by two.
After the game, rookie linebacker Robert Henson – who hasn’t played
yet this year – responded via Twitter, “Who are you to say you know
what’s best for the team and you work 9 to 5 at McDonalds”. In a
related story, linebacker Robert Henson will be working at McDonald’s
in 2010.
Atlanta Falcons 28, Carolina Panthers 20
Jake Delhomme threw only one interception Sunday, compared to the four
he threw last week, and the five he threw in the playoffs last year.
Delhomme’s new contract pays him $20 million guaranteed. Is Michael
Jordan running this North Carolina team, too?
Minnesota Vikings 27, Detroit Lions 13
Adrian Peterson is really good, Brett Favre is really old, and the
Lions are still really bad. This was their 19th loss in a row, and
they probably won’t win for at least another month. At this point,
ownership might petition Congress for a bailout, or failing that, two
extra games against the Rams.
Cincinnati Bengals 31, Green Bay Packers 24
The Packers recovered an onside kick and drove to the Bengals’
ten-yard-line with two seconds left, then lost when one of their
players false-started. That’s like a player hitting a grand slam, down
four runs in the ninth, and getting called out for running out of the
baseline. Packers fans were crying into their fried cheese all
afternoon.
Oakland Raiders 13, Kansas City Chiefs 10
The city streets, dive bars, and tattoo parlors of Alameda County were
full of filthy, leather-clad fans shouting “Raaaaiders!” after
Oakland’s thrilling win on Sunday. To be fair, that would have been
the case even if the Raiders lost, but we like to think there were
slightly fewer arrests after the win.
Buffalo Bills 33, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 20
Saturday was “Talk Like a Pirate Day” worldwide. On Sunday, Buffalo
celebrated “Beat the Crap Out of the Team Named after Pirates Day”.
Tampa was about as tough as a bunch of software pirates. Arrr they
gonna fire the new coach?
Baltimore Ravens 31, San Diego Chargers 26
Ray Lewis’s stupid dance trumped Shawne Marriman’s stupid dance as
Baltimore edged out San Diego. In fairness to Merriman, his hands
were probably still sore from choking Tila Tequila.
Chicago Bears 17, Pittsburgh Steelers 14
Pittsburgh held Adrian Peterson to 16 yards, but still lost. OK, it was
the “Other Adrian Peterson”, so it’s kind of like striking out “Tony Gwynn“.
Kicker Jeff Reed missed two field goals for the Steelers, because he is worthless.
Denver Broncos 27, Cleveland Browns 6
When he took the Jets to the playoffs, Browns coach Eric Mangini was
known as “Mangenius”. If the Browns have any more games like this
one, he’ll soon be known as Coach Mangina.
NY Giants 33, Dallas Cowboys 31
There was a lot of pre-game talk about the Cowboys new stadium with
its oversized scoreboard, and whether punters would hit it during the
game. That didn’t happen Sunday night, but the real question is if
Tony Romo could hit it with a pass, or would his attempt be
intercepted on the way up?
Indianapolis Colts 27, Miami Dolphins 23
The winning touchdown came on a 48-yard pass to Pierre Garçon, who may
be the first player ever to have a cedilla on the back of his jersey.
Antoine Bethea made the game-clinching interception, meaning that the
two most important players for the Colts sound like they should be
cast members in Cirque du Soleil.
Sean Keane is a stand up comedian, writer, and sports fan based in San Francisco, Ca. He has written for ESPN the magazine, Mc Sweeney’s, and the ever popular NBA tumblr.
Posted: September 23rd, 2009 under Ruminations, theorizations and stuff.
Comments: 1
Most stand up comedians have a stage persona: not Marc Maron. He’s the same person on stage as he is off stage, and it’s not always guaranteed to pretty, but it’s always guaranteed to hilarious.
As if he cares.
In this Tight 5 with Punchline Magazine’s Dylan Gadino, Marc discusses the problem with the term “rebel”, how he deals with psychological obstacles, and the zen of airplane bathroom mirrors.
You can catch Mr. Maron perform his critically acclaimed solo show “Scorching the Earth” September 24-26th at the Lakeshore Theater in Chicago, Ill.
Posted: September 23rd, 2009 under A Tight 5ive, Interview.
Comments: 17
