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ATTENTION PEONS!!!!

Its just another Tuesday at Rooftop Comedy.  Each member of the production team sits staring blankly at the computer screen, wondering if time could possibly pass any slower.  Then, a tired and somewhat delirious Emily Heller decides to send out an email in Medieval speak.  Boredom is averted, bursts of laughter fill the room at increasingly close intervals, and the rest my friends, is email history.

Emily H wrote:

GREETINGS from your benevolent overlord!!! The following ASPEN
clips have been programmed into this week’s episodes and need
to be produced. Can we can divide and conquer before Thursday?
Or as they said in ancient times: Thor’s day?

ALL HAIL ME
Emily
P.S. i didn’t get very much sleep last night
_______________________________________

Alex wrote:

Nah.
______________________________________________

Andy wrote:

greetings benevolent editorial lordess,
i’ll do Hawkins through Cummins.

your loyal production slave,
Andy Andyson
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

greetings from the tribe on the adjacent isle of mordecai,
i shall bestow upon you the clips of ashley through kasher.
i shall require several sacks of grain and two sheep for my work.
may the wind always fill thy sails my friend.

-Chris son of Phil of Mordecai
________________________________________

Andy wrote:

wanna trade a grain for a wood?
___________________________________

Emily H wrote:

ANDY HAS A BONER!!!!!!!!!!

Emily
_____________________________________

Sorry Andy, I need ore. Anybody wanna trade for ore??

Take care.

-Chris
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

I only have wood. Lots of wood.
____________________________________

Emily S wrote:

Betwixt the offers of wool and grain i have found it reasonable to
offer a bit of ore which i hath mined from the veins of the meager
mines of Howardshire. Promise me this: upon bestowing you with the
ore, thou shalt not forge a weapon in carelessness. Young Christopher
son of Philip of Mordecai, make your kin revel in the
righteousness of your craft, for if you disobey me you will be sent to the
gallows. Amen.

-Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
__________________________________

Andy wrote:

The elders proclaim that the Fair Damsel of the Fortnight
receivith this name fore no man dare lie with her longer
than two weeks, or his loins
shall harden like a fresh sword cooling in river swept waters after
having been removed from the flaming forge. Consider thyselves
warned!
__________________________________________

Alex wrote:

And thou shall declare it from the steeples and the mountain tops, the spires and the highest forest branch:

“NERDS!”
_______________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

come one come all ye young lads
and forge thy burning sword betwixt mine legs
________________________________________

Alex wrote:

EMAIL IS AMAZING!!!!
______________________________________

Chris wrote:

fellow procreators beware!  many men have forged their burning swords between the fair damsels legs, which is why the fires burn so hot!  the curse of el clapo, king of spain, hath visited our lady many times.

Take care.

-Chris

——————————————-

Valerie wrote:

Tis the truth, I hath seen her with Lord Isaac from thy castle below.
Thy fires burn!

——————————————-
Andy wrote:

Is the Hoor of Howardshire prepared for the long march to the
battle of the Fords of Arkaig????
We cannot expect to overcome the Clan of Morar without those
steaming loins!!!!

summon her at once!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

BLAST YOU ALL!!!!!!

these sacred loins possess a power you shalt fail without… Speaketh kindly of mine loins or you will all
revel in the consequences of
your actions! Issac knows not of the forgery – but if he did the
netheregions of his manhood would surely shirvel away like an earthworm trapped atop a cobblestone on a blazing summer day!!!!!

ps fuck you val
_______________________________________

Chris wrote:

witch! burn her!

Take care.

-Chris
_______________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Sims did it with Isaac, I got a daguerrotype of it and shit

Emily
_______________________________________

Andy wrote:

I didn’t get the attachment.
________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

Attention peons once again! This is your queen and overlord! Think not that your blaspheming and debasement has fallen on deaf ears! I hereby announce with great joy the betrothal of the Hoor of Howardshire to Lord Isaac of the lower kingdoms. Dowry was paid in full (five gallons of ox blood). The ceremony will be officiated by Sir Whiskers of the Clan of ZipZap at sunrise!

Emily
________________________________________

Emily S wrote:

I would rather drink five gallons of ox blood than consummate relations with the vile fiend you refer to as “Isaac” from the kingdom downstream.  The wench of zip zap has informed me that his phallus is quite lacking and i am confident it will not withstand the heat emanating within a 5 foot radius from my body.  This is a mistake of cosmic proportions and i request that the overlord reconsider.
__________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

The overlord does not cater with reconsiderations!!! That is without some sort of compensatory bribes… that is, an iced decaf vanilla latte from peets each day this week!!!! Sir Whiskers will stand for no less and will summon his feline wilderfriends should you fail in this!!!

Emily

p.s. ISAAC GOT A BIG DICK! I GOT A BIG PUSSY! WHO GOT A BIG PUSSY?
__________________________________________

Valerie wrote:

Who shall take the place of Sir Isaac at the Fair Lady’s betrothal?
Perhaps Sir Jester dressed as a large feline from the kingdom of Zip Zap?
_________________________________________

Emily H wrote:

I believe you are referring to Sir Whiskers…

Emily
_______________________________________

Annie wrote:

You lest not forget Duke Bubbles.

Comments

Comment from chris
Time: July 1, 2009, 11:37 am

you gotta love the “reply all” button!

Comment from andy
Time: July 1, 2009, 11:41 am

we’re hilarious.

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Time: July 1, 2009, 11:50 am

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Comment from nic
Time: July 2, 2009, 6:00 pm

i cant believe how long this was.

you guys need air conditioning so bad.