Emily v Emily Return for the Point/Counterpoint Returning of the Year
Not since Kramer versus Kramer have I been this excited to see people with the same name go at in the arena of pointing. This week on a very special Point/Counterpoint, Emily (S) and Emily (H), respectively, step back into that thunderdome where two points enter, one point leaves. With the bombshell announcement from McCain announcing Sarah Palin as his running mate, the first possible VPilf in the US of A, the Emilys set their targeting reticules and arm their shoulder cannons on a more pressing issue. Palin, or Predator?
Predator for a Real Change
By Emily Sims
Ok ok, seriously, Sarah Palin doesn’t have shit on Predator. As far as running for office goes, Palin was mayor of Wasilla, AK, from 1992-1996 and elected governor of Alaska in 2006. You’re talking about a town with an area of 12.4 square miles. The Predator we know is the roughest, toughest soldier from his entire alien planet who travelled at interstellar light speed to kick human ass starting in 1987 and tentatively ending in 2007. And while he may have fallen short of destroying Arnold, I think there is something to be said for the fact that the Terminator, an ass-kicking cyborg assassin, later went on to become the governor of California. And it seems a little too coincidental that the Terminator’s entire mission was to destroy SARAH (Connor).
Palin’s mortality is the bane of her existence if you’re planning to put her up against Predator. He sees in electromagnetic infrared, and if the battle is going down in Alaska, she’s bound to be toast in a matter of seconds. The Predator’s body is resilient to even the most fatal of damage; it can recover from the radiation of a Republican-deployed nuclear bomb as well as expunge multiple gunshot wounds inflicted at the discretion of the NRA. The entire Predator culture revolves around the hunting, stalking, and killing of dangerous life forms: i.e McCain Palin ’08.
Any “patriotic” American would tell you that Predator could not only destroy Palin with the greatest of ease, he would actually make a more suitable candidate for office. So this fall, mark your ballot “Predator 2008.”
A vote for Palin is a vote for victory
Okay, I get it. Predator is a hardcore outerspace soldier who cannot be destroyed. But what about term limits? While Sarah Palin is softer, and, yes, more vulnerable, her staunchly pro-life stance has invigorated the GOP ticket this year. Predator is by definition anti-life!
Also, dude, are you forgetting what happened at the end of Alien vs. Predator? The humans and Predators were on the same side. Predator wouldn’t even try to hunt Sarah Palin unless she was harboring an Alien Chestburster. And we all know she just gave birth six months ago so it’s mathematically impossible for her to have been attacked by a facehugger that recently.
Plus, in the final battle with the Alien queen, the Predators all pretty much died (by self-destruction! Is that the America we need?) while Alexa Woods – an experienced Arctic guide – SURVIVED the battle and was honored by the Predators with a weapon.
Hmm, sound familiar? A badass female weapons enthusiast from the far north beating out her male peers (Romney) and destroying her Alien foe (Obama) to clinch victory and save humankind? The entire movie is obviously a prophetic allegory for the ’08 election and the Palin candidacy in general.
Plus, need I point out that she has more EXECUTIVE experience?