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Jen versus Briana, Point/Counterpoint

This week’s Point/Counterpoint is sponsored by the Olympics. Jen and Briana share opinions on Michael Phelps, American swimmer extraordinaire and all-around beefcake. Or is he? In the words of Michael Myers on SNL’s Coffee Talk sketches…”Discuss!”

Michael Phelps is HOT!

Michael Phelps is an excellent specimen of a man…woo is it getting hot in here?? He’s pretty much hands down the best Olympian in history with, I think 11 gold metals and counting. They say he has an arm span of 6’7”….and don’t I wish he would wrap those Albatross arms around me! And have you seen those shoulders? I mean come on they are round and big and lovely….I wouldn’t mind taking a bite out of them!
The one issue I have with Michael is his teeth. Now, I speak from experience, as a former headgear wearer. After 5 years in braces, I had to re-learn how to swallow (that’s for another discussion), so I know what it’s like. But let’s get with the program Michael and get some orthodontia – I mean you have the money so it’s not a financial aid issue. If anything, take one of those gold metals and melt that sucker down and get yourself a sick ass grill! I’m sure Baltimore would love it!

Michael Phelps looks like a monkey.

Listen, I’m all for hot swimmers. I used to hang with them poolside myself back on the swim team. And I’m not going to knock Phelps for his athleticism. He’s amazing to watch in the water. But all that aside, when that dude steps out of the pool and receives a close-up, NBC Olympic coverage style, I’m not exactly liking what I see. Thankfully he swims with a cap on, because otherwise those ears would create some serious drag in the water, possibly causing him his medals.
I don’t want to pick apart his face, I really don’t. The man doesn’t really need a pretty face – he’ll have no trouble with the ladies going forward. His real asset is his killer swimmer bod – which, coincidentally, he seems to want to cover up with that full length swim outfit he seems to be rocking more and more lately. Michael, do us all a favor and bring back the speedo. It distracts us from your monkey face.