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Paolo versus Brie, Point/Counterpoint


This week on Point/Counterpoint it’s your intrepid blog person (THIS GUY) and superlative project manager Briana. William Petersen is leaving CSI, Lawrence Fishburne, John Malkovich, and Kurt Russell have been tossed around to be his replacement. We try to pick up the pieces.


Long Live the New Caruso
-Paolo.
I’m not an avid CSI watcher. I’ll admit that, but CSI has been there for me on those hungover Sundays on Spike TV, perpetually rerunning. So when I got wind that William Petersen is leaving CSI, I feel like I have to write this, to thank him for always being there for me. I have come to the conclusion that CSI lives and dies with William Petersen. William Petersen will live forever on Spike TV. And although Petersen will remain on as executive producer and will drop on by for the occasional cameo, you know, and I know, that any future episode without Petersen at the helm will just become excuses to pass time until he eventually does guest star. Plus, Jorja Fox is pulling a NYPD Blue era David Caruso (ALL ROADS LEAD BACK TO CSI). So there’s no point in trying to let it go on, as much as you might tempt with me people who played Cowboy Curtis, Snake Plissken, or John Malkovich. It’s too…CSI: The Next Generation, without even being the next generation.

The way I see it, the only two courses of action are: ret-conning the entire current continuity of CSI, and spin it off intro a prequel (Look how well it worked for George Lucas). CSI: The College Years, with this guy as Warrick, Vanessa Hudgens as Sara Sidle, and the gruff, but lovable RA from Saved by the Bell: The College Years as the gruff but lovable RA. Plus, you’d be able to use The Who’s “My Generation” as the opening theme song! Holy Jesus I’m good. Or you just let it die, and let David Caruso and his shades of justice take the reins as the flagship CSI brand, with Sinese and his NY cronies playing second banana. To which I say: YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Long live the new Caruso.

Screw Keanu, Fishburne is The One.
-Briana
I’ve been following Laurence Fishburne’s career since I was born in 1980. Unfortunately, his first big break occurred a year before I came into this world, but my older sister told me all about it in the incredible way that only babies can. Apocalypse Now, released in its first format in 1979, was where the world really got to know Mr. Fishburne. Back in those days he went by Larry. It wasn’t until his heartbreaking role in 1993’s What’s Love Got to Do with It as Ike Turner, that he started using his more academic nomenclature, Laurence. But I digress.

What does the Narrator from 2007’s TMNT have that John Malkovich or Kurt Russell doesn’t? Have you guys seen The Matrix? Larry single-handedly saved the future human race by finding and training “The One”. I don’t know what else you need to know about him. Of course he’s the best candidate for replacing William Petersen in CSI. Think about it. Do Russell or Malkovich have on-screen experience with “Hill Street Blues” or “Miami Vice”? Larry does. And since Warrick just got shot up in his car and obviously won’t be returning, they need a little diversity on the cast – can Russell provide that? And Sara should really move on, since Grissom obviously has a commitment problem – and I just can’t see her shacking up with Malkovich. Larry is the only one I can think of with the cache and talent to pull off CSI’s intense one-liners that Peterson still struggles with. Grissom gets all quippy, which I guess is ok if you’re into that sort of thing.

Imagine, if you will, a dead body on the ground and all three contenders standing above examining the remains. Sara looks up from her crouched position while examining some clue and says “there are diamonds in this horse’s ass”. Grissom would (after a well-timed pause) say, “The horse is a mule.” I don’t know what Russell or Malkovich would say – probably something lame. But Larry could only say one thing. “I’ll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” I know, let’s start thinking of character names now, people.

Comments

Comment from billzki
Time: August 8, 2008, 9:28 am

jss, hw d y gys knw sm mch abt ths sht?

y shud tk p th y-y r vlntr t th lcl shler

Comment from andy
Time: August 8, 2008, 8:56 am

David Caruso for prez!

Comment from John
Time: August 8, 2008, 9:06 am

Counter this point to your Counterpoint: Who cares!

You both posses an eloquent writing style, unfortunately it is wasted on this dumb dumb show called CSI. I realize the premise here is to debate over something insignificant, but at least choose a subject that has a broader appeal. I cannot declare a winner in this episode of P/CP due to my lack of knowledgo of CSI… and that makes me upset. BLAST IT!!

Comment from andy
Time: August 8, 2008, 9:31 am

you guys want to time out some open mics?

Comment from Paolo
Time: August 10, 2008, 1:05 am

@John
I don’t see how a show that for seven out of its eight seasons always would come in top five in the Nielsen Ratings wouldn’t be considered possessing broad appeal. But I suppose the cats ladies who obsess over the series don’t count. Would it make you feel better if we talked about Mad Men or something?

Comment from John
Time: August 12, 2008, 11:31 am

In response to Paolo: Cat Ladies?! I didn’t realize this website was targeted to them. I am young, single, with money to burn on comedy so if I am going to burn my time on this site, I want to read something that I can relate to. I am your demo, hence my postings now. I don’t see any “Pearls, Ethels, nor Mildreds” posting anything.

Re: Nielson Ratings, it rates 26 million viewers….it is a top 10 show..but 26 mm only represents 8% of the total US population….is 8% really considered “broad appeal,” I always thought anything over 50% made it to that status. Mad Men averages< 2mm viewers…so no Paolo, please don’t write about that either. Have a nice day.

Pingback from Comedy Blog From The Staff and Comedians of RooftopComedy
Time: August 18, 2008, 2:56 pm

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